Page 65 of Peaceful Chaos

"So nice of everyone to join us this morning," Lucien grumbles.

Teddy holds up a box of donuts, and the glower falls off my brother's face. "Calm down, asshole. I had one of the soldiers take me to get breakfast this morning, and I had to grab our little pixie some coffee so she'd act like a human this morning."

Amber cradles a latte in her hands like it holds the answers to the meaning of life. She climbs into the car after Shane and Jen. "Maybe I'd be more of a morning person if you two horny assholes would let me get some fucking sleep," she snaps.

Shane hits his head against the headrest in an effort to knock the images of the ménage out of his head. If I weren't still recovering from a concussion, I might have tried it myself.

"I always learn new things about you and I'd really like it to fucking stop," he grumbles.

Jen giggles, and a look of mischief flashes across her pretty face. She fakes a pout and turns to Shane. "So I guess asking you if we could have our own little set up with Ford is out of the question?"

Ford spits a mouthful of the coffee Teddy passed to him. "What the fuck, Jen!"

"I thought you didn't have feelings for him anymore?" Shane asks her, casting a suspicious glare at his best friend.

"Mmm, I don't, but that doesn't mean I'd stop you if you wanted to try him out," she teases.

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone this morning?" Sin blurts out.

"It's a coping mechanism for dealing with trauma," I repeat from the research I've been doing online.

Everyone turns to stare at me like I've grown a second head. I guess injecting reason into the ridiculousness of our morning banter is more surprising than suggesting Shane and Ford take their bromance to the next level.

I shrug. "I've been researching possible majors," I offer as explanation.

Jen smiles a real smile, not because of the giddiness spreading among us. "Psychology?"

I nod. "At first I was just looking for a therapist, but the more I looked the more I want to get to a place where I can help people who've experienced trauma."

Sin kisses the side of my head. "I think you'd make an excellent therapist. Did you find someone to talk to?"

"Kinda. I mean, yeah, I've found several who deal with abuse and PTSD, but I think I'll wait."

He frowns and tucks me closer to his side. "I don't want you to have to suffer."

I turn my head and plant a kiss to the side of his throat. I can feel his pulse kick up at the contact, and I smirk into his skin. I love how he doesn't try to fight his reactions to me anymore.

"I don't want to either, but until we are out from under the sword of my father, I don't think having a routine that has me outside of the complex on a regular basis is a good idea," I reply.

The Chaos agent assigned to drive us today looks in the rearview mirror catching my eyes. "Javier could get someone to come to you."

"Do you happen to have someone on staff?" I ask, hopeful.

He frowns. "No, but I can see that is a suggestion Javier needs to hear. There've been many soldiers who have needed therapy after some of our missions and some who come to us more than a little messed up from their days in the military."

"Well, for now, I think I'll put a pin in the idea. I don't like having someone on the outside knowing my deepest darkest fears that Damien can get to. He's enough of a nightmare without him knowing exactly which buttons to push," I reply.

* * *

Sin walksTessa and me to our first class. I search inside myself to see how I feel about it being the three of us alone. I mean, as alone as anyone is in a crowd of people. Their history is always going to be a wound for me, but I've got Ford to thank for being able to mostly let that particular hurt go.

The four of us might be a bit fucked up by most people's standards, but at least I feel like I'm on equal ground. Sin fired the first shot that night trying to push me away for good, but I brought him to his knees. Not that my intention in sleeping with Ford was to cut him, but Sin had left me bleeding.

Ford was right that weekend when he said we were bonded forever. He gave me a way to hold myself together when I felt my heart cracking in my chest. In a way, Ford is the first guy I'd ever had sex with, because he's the first guy I've willingly shared my body with. I don't think Sin and I would be together now without Ford. Not only because it got Sin to admit how he felt, but because I couldn't have come into a relationship with him on anything less than equal ground.

Sin looks inside the classroom and frowns. "I guess that would have been too easy," he gripes.

I roll my eyes. "At least now I understand why she's always coming late and leaving early. I thought she was just really undedicated to her education."

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