Page 41 of Fate

“Kathleen, you pushed him away…for years. There are repercussions from every decision we make. This one has spanned a very long time. It is likely there are things he’s going to tell you that you may not like. How you deal with those admissions and move forward is what mattersmost.”

“So, what you’re saying is, don’t have a knee-jerk reaction like I did when he had to run out the other morning.”

Dr. Madison smiles and touches his nose. “She can be taught.”

I chuckle. “After three years, I’d hope so.” Without looking at him, I sigh and tap at mylips.

Is Carson the same man he was three years ago when we were together? I know I’m not the same person, as much as I want to be. What skeletons does he have hiding in his closet now? Did we even go through them when we were together? The year we were together was the best year of my life. I’d never been happier. I had a beautiful, kind, and caring boyfriend who fucked like a stallion and treated me like a queen. He worked hard, I worked hard, and then we came together each night cuddling in our own little cocoon of pleasure. When we hung out with our friends we had the best time, until Daniel McBride screwed over everyone and eventually hurt me and my friends beyond repair.

Looking back, it’s hard to come to terms with why I pushed Carson away. Sure, I felt ugly and undesirable, but mostly I was broken. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I didn’t want to tie him down with a woman who could potentially be damaged the rest of her life. In my mind, he deserved better. He still does. But I forgot one little thing. One very important facet to our relationship that could never be replaced by another person.

No woman would ever love Carson Davis with her entire being the way I did. The way I do. Still. The love I have for him fills up every crevice and pore. It’s the reason I couldn’t be with another man after him. There could never be another man for me, because he’s my other half. When I made him leave, half of me walked out with him. Died along with our relationship.

It seems so stupid now. How could I ever be me again when my other half is missing?

And does he feel the same? Did he then? Is that why he fought sohard?

Once again, the tears pour down my cheeks and drip onto my hands clasped in mylap.

“What is it, Kathleen? I can see you’re hurting. Let itout.”

“How can you recover when you’ve lost your soul mate?” I choke out the words, pushing away tears as fast as theyfall.

“He’s not lost. I believe he’s waiting to be found.”

“What if someone found him first and he’s coming to tell me we can neverbe?”

“I don’t think he would have been with you intimately, nor would he have told you he loved you. I do agree there is something standing in the way. A man in love doesn’t wait days after admitting his feelings. In my experience, a man would be consumed by it. Incapable of keeping away, which means there’s a reason. And I fear, my dear, the reason may be hard for you to accept.”

I shake my head furiously. “No. I pushed him away. It’s my fault we’re not together. Mine. I need to take responsibility for what I’ve done, the mistakes I’ve made.” The determination and conviction I have in this decision weaves its way up my spine, splinters out across my chest, and wraps around my heart. If it means being with Carson again, having my other half back, I’m willing to work for it. “Whatever it is that’s keeping him from being by my side, I’m going to help him throughit.”

“Sounds like an excellent plan. And, of course, I’m here for you whenever you need to talk or work through a difficult situation. Just remember, no matter what happens, you’re stronger than you ever were before. Just take things one step at atime.”

“One step at a time.” I can do that. And maybe, just maybe, each step will get me closer to the man I love. The man I’m willing to fight to getback.

---