Page 40 of Fate

My psyche isn’t helping.

“Kathleen, I can see that this night you spent with Carson was a turning point for you, and one I’m happy to see. However, you cannot relate the success or failure of this particular circumstance to be the scale of where you are at in your progress. Regardless of this time with him, or the outcome, you are already different. Better. Happier. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Happier.

“Yes, I supposeso.”

“And you’re doing better in your career than you were before your injury, even though there are hurdles to overcome with the way in which you craft your designs. Correct?”

“True. Chase changed my life getting Chloe to agree to go into business with me and fronting the initial expenses, which I paid back with interest, I mightadd…”

Dr. Madison smiles softly andnods.

“It changed everything. I’m now doing exactly what I want to do, aside from the sewingpart.”

He tips his chin and crosses one leg over the other. “And the mobility has increased in the hand. To the point you can hold small objects.”

I smile huge. “Yes.” I rub my forearm and hand lightly. “The oral medication and physical therapy are finally starting to work. The doctors said I’ll be able to hold my own children one day without a problem.”

“That’s excellent, Kathleen. I’m thrilled foryou.”

“Thankyou.”

“So now tell me how you are feeling about what happened with Carson. You had dinner, too many drinks, and had intercourse.”

I nod. “It was more than that, Doctor. For the first time, he said he lovedme.”

“And are you afraid he said those words because he was under the influence? That he didn’t actually mean to saythem?”

“No, not at all. I’ve been inebriated with Carson more times than I can count, and he never once uttered those words. This time was different. It was as if he was finally able to say it. Almost as if he couldn’t not sayit.”

Dr. Madison makes a note on the legal pad he has on his lap. “And how was the evening leading up to that moment?”

I smile and run my hand through my hair, thinking back to the joy and laughter we had at the restaurant. The kidding way he teased me. “Like normal. Like before. He tended to me the way he did when we were dating. Women walked by, beautiful women, and he didn’t even bat an eye. His focus was entirely onme.”

“And what do you think changed in you? Why did you agree to have dinner with him after all thistime?”

I shrug. “Maybe I’m ready to be in a relationship again?”

“Which you could have started with anyone. Instead, you went back to the one man you claim you pushed away for his own good. What changed?”

What did change?

Do I look more like the oldme?

Not really. Some of the scars have been removed from my neck, but my entire right arm from shoulder to fingertips is disfigured, as is the skin around my ribcage and the side of my right breast. It’s not molten red, but it’s discolored and nowhere near aesthetically pleasing to theeye.

The pain is still there. The nightmares too, although now that I think back, I didn’t have one when Carson was there. Then again, it could have been because he woke me for additional rounds of lovemaking in the night. It’s quite possible I didn’t hit REM sleep and didn’t dream.

I shake my head. “I don’tknow.”

“Kathleen…” His tone conveys that he wants me to dig deeper. “Until you accept what has changed in you, how can you accept what has changed in him? He’s been living his life for the past two years. There will inevitably be things that are different about him. Probably why he’s evaded talking to you since the night of your rekindling.”

“You think? Chase did say he had a new girlfriend, which Carson emphatically says he doesn’t. But there’s definitely a woman involved. Someone who called that morning led him to run off. She has to be the reason he’s not talked tome.”

“Perhaps. He may be dealing with his own situation. The connection between you two came back quickly. Your entire relationship changed in a single evening. It’s possible and even likely he has things he also needs to tie up in order to be free to be with you. This could mean a woman, work, friendships, family, obligations… Without talking to him, you can only guess. And that, Kathleen, is unhealthy.”

I can’t help but pout. “I guess I always assumed when it was time for the two of us to be together again, he’d drop everything to be with me. It’s silly. The hopeful wishes of a young girl, not a thirty-year-old woman. But what we had was the forever kind of connection.”

---