Page 86 of Life

I smile. “But you love me,” I whisper against his lips.

“Yes, I love you.”

Afew dayslater I’m resting comfortably, nestled in our big California king-size bed. Whoever came up with the giant bed was a genius, because having a man the size of mine, it’s necessary. I’m a total convert.

Eli is taking a shower, the door open. I glance at his naked form as he showers, my libido kicking in even after he’s spent the last thirty minutes going down on me until I came three times by his mouth and fingers. Then he hovered over me so I could suck him off without hurting my healing clavicle. Just watching him shower makes me want to suck on him again.Jesucristo,my man is sexy. Water runs down his toned body, and he moves his large, talented hands, following it with soap. I lick my lips.

“I can feel you eye-fucking me over there, Spicy. Cut it out before I fuck your face again,” he warns, taunting me.

“Bring it on,Cazador! You don’t scare me!” I yell back.

He laughs but continues his shower.Fine. Suit yourself. I open the bedside drawer to pull out the book I’d started, and my fingertips scrape against something pointy. I maneuver my fingers to pull out the unknown item.

A white envelope with my name on the front of it in Tommy’s handwriting.

I gasp and drop the letter in my lap. I’d forgotten all about it.

Now the letter sits, waiting to be opened. With shaky fingers, I undo the flap by sliding one digit across it. I take a deep breath, setting my resolve, and unfold the letter.

My dearest Maria,

If you are receiving this letter then it means I’m gone. To start, I want to tell you I’m sorry I left. I would never have willingly left you in a million years. Since the day I met you, you were a bright star in my life. A cop’s life is never an easy one to grasp. I know I was gone more of our relationship than I was able to be home, but knowing you were there, only a phone call away, made me want to work hard to come back to you.

By now, you’ve learned I have a twin brother. I never told you about EJ because of the rift between us. I didn’t want that to be the focus of any future relationship we’d have when I did get the chance to introduce you. For me, it’s one of my biggest regrets. I wish you could have known him before. He’s the best brother, and an admirable man.

Maria, I know you cared for me. Maybe even loved me in your own way. At least that’s what I convinced myself. But I want you to get out there and find the love of your life. As much as I loved you, you need to find a man that has a similar fire as yours. That unquenchable thirst for life you have should not be contained.

It may sound stupid, but I see the type of man you could love in my brother. He’s everything I’m not and everything you need to be happy. All I ever wanted was to make you happy. Please don’t cut yourself off from finding the one. He’s there, maybe even closer than you think.

Take care of yourself above all things, and know my last thoughts on this earth were of you.

All my love,

~Tommy

A single tear drops down on the letter. The bed next to me dips down. I glance at Eli, and his eyes are sad. He probably recognized the handwriting. I hand him the letter silently and wipe at my eyes. He sits back and reads for a couple minutes, and then folds up the letter, leans back, and sighs.

“I was twenty-five when everything went to shit.” His voice is low and filled with an immeasurable amount of pain. “Shelly Ann was my girlfriend. A woman both Thomas and I wanted. We’d always had the same taste in women. The exact same.” He smiles sadly and looks out the window. “I was in the shower, back home from patrolling all night with Thomas. We were partners. The precinct thought it was great to pair us up, and we agreed.” He half-laughs and sighs. “We even lived across the breezeway from one another. We were so close.”

I put my hand on his forearm. “What happened?”

“Shelly Ann was sleeping, and I was in the shower. When I came out, a man was straddling her, choking her. He wore a mask so I couldn’t see him. Of course I jumped him, but he wouldn’t let go of whatever he was choking her with. Twine or some shit. It was cutting into her throat, blood pooling in a line around her neck.”

“Dios mio,” I gasp.

“He wouldn’t let go. I punched at him, but he was huge. Way bigger than I was. She stopped moving completely, but he still wouldn’t let go. My gun was sitting on the table next to the bed. I reached for it as Thomas broke into the room, yelling for the perp to freeze. But I knew it was already too late. He’d killed her.”

“Babe…”

“So even though he let go of the garrote and put his hands up, I pointed my gun at his head and blew a hole in him. His brains splattered across the dresser, mirror, and wall beyond. Then I dropped my gun, and my brother slammed into me, screaming. He kept saying the guy had his hands up, that I murdered him. And he was right.”

Eli clasps my hand, and I hold it tight as the tears fall down my face.

“And I didn’t care. He murdered the woman I loved. The woman we loved.”

“Why her?”

“A simple accident. The wrong girl, the wrong apartment. There was a woman who could have been Shelly Ann’s sister. She lived next door. Apparently, she was running from her druggie ex-boyfriend. He saw Shelly Ann come into this house, mistook her for the neighbor, and in his drug-addled mind, decided if he couldn’t have her, no one would. That’s why he was so strong and determined to kill her. And he did. Murdered her right in front of my eyes. I lost it.”

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