Page 3 of Bonded Beyond Regret

Hopefully, we can help Nyx and Aisley do the same.

CHAPTER 2

NYX

As I finish getting dressed for another day, I sink down onto the side of the bed. I’m tired. So fucking tired and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not now, not ever.

I keep my eyes trained on the floor because I know if I look to the left or the right then I’ll see a captured moment from my life before. It’ll be looking back at me. It’ll be mocking me.

There was a time when I had no idea that I would measure my life in before and after, but that’s the only way I seem to be able to survive now. The before was everything I wanted it to be when I was growing up.

Life is full. Of love. Of life. Of fun.

Who I was before could never have imagined what was ahead of me and the moment when my life would change completely.That moment has forced me to live in the after.

Life is dull. Without love. Without life. Without fun.

There is one bright spot in the after. Aisley.

She’s eight years old and the only thing that I have left of Andrew that has touched the before but will grow beyond it, and she keeps me in the after. Without her, I don’t know where I would be. I might have followed right along after Andrew to go and meet the Moon Goddess again.

But I couldn’t do that.

I had to stay and try to find a way to survive each day.

“Mommy,” Aisley’s voice, bright on the surface to cover the turbulent worry and sadness—both emotions she only has because of me—exist underneath. When I look up at her, she smiles. “What are we having for breakfast?”

I can’t help but smile at my girl. She could demand something specific for breakfast, but I think she knows this way I’ll have no choice but to make a decision and stay in the moment with her. It works; most of the time.

I make a humming sound and cross my eyes as I look at her. “What do you think we should have for breakfast?” Before she can answer, because the thought of cooking is exhausting, I blurt out, “What about visiting Grandma at the bakery? She always has some treats for us.”

“Yes,” she shouts. “I want a Danish. Do you think she has the cherry ones? She knows they’re my favorite.”

I can’t help but giggle at how excited my girl is. She’s always full of energy, which is good for me because it forces me to try to match her. I don’t even come close, but that’s okay. Whengetting out of bed is almost too much some days, if I can mirror half of my girl’s energy then it’s a win.

Aisley pulls on my hand to get me to follow her. I groan, “When did you get so strong?”

“Must be all the vegetables you keep making me eat,” she sasses right back with a look of disgust on her face.

“Seems they’re working. You should listen to me more often.” I stick my tongue out at her and she does it right back.

As we head out of the house, I don’t look at any of the pictures on the walls. I don’t want that reminder, and my mood is actually good right now; I want to roll with it. It’s not like I can ever escape memories of Andrew—the echo of pain and the hollow feeling inside of me is ever present.

I have a feeling I’ll never be able to escape them.

The moment I swing the door open to the bakery, Aisley shouts, “Grandma!”

Everyone in the bakery turns our way and, thankfully, they’re all smiling. Everyone who comes into mom’s bakery knows me and Aisley. If they complained, mom would put them in their place so fast. She’s not a confrontational female, but she will become a feral wolf for her pup and grandpup.

When I grow up, I want to be just like her.

Mom grins at me as she comes around the bakery counter with Aisley in her arms. She wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives a squeeze, even though it’s not easy for her to juggle the little girl who is doing her best impression of a spider monkey at the moment.

“Hi, Mom,” I murmur softly.

She kisses the side of my head and pulls back before giving me an assessing look. I brush it off because I’ve had no choice but to get used to people looking at me like they’re expecting me to burst into tears or to start destroying everything around me at any moment. If only everyone knew how close I am to doing both, probably at the same time.

Their scrutiny makes me want to scream. It makes me want to shift into my wolf and run through the forest without a thought or care about ever coming back.

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