But, I also had to think about what was best for her— and for me. Luna Bellarose’s mother-in-law only told me what I already knew, and what other people were going to say when they learned of what happened between us. Eventually, Violet would see it, too, or worse, find her second chance mate after I was too far gone to survive the heartbreak. I couldn’t get more attached. Seeing her walk away from me would destroy me.
I barely survived the year of Traci stringing me along, and I didn’t even fall in love with her. It hurt, to know the woman who was supposed to complete me didn’t want me. It hurt to think I wasn’t enough, but I saw it in her eyes from the first moment we discovered we were mates, and a part of me always knew it would end the way it did.
My fear increased when she asked me to keep it to myself so that people wouldn’t put pressure on her. She said she wanted to get to know me, but aside from showing up in the middle of the night to soothe the incomplete bond, or to ask for things, she avoided my company.
I could see that, but Titan held out hope, and I tried to hang onto it myself. She was the woman the Moon Goddessdetermined was my better half. The one who made me better. Fated mates were sacred. Surely, I wouldn’t get the one that didn’t care, the one able to resist the pull.
But I did, and it left me wondering what was so wrong with me that made it easy for her to do that. If she found me lacking, what hope could I have that Violet wouldn’t eventually see that?
Violet deserved someone better, and I needed to allow her the time to find that person now that she was getting better.
And I needed the distance to protect my heart.
Except the distance was killing me.
For almost two weeks I had a glimpse of how wonderful things could have been for me as Violet’s man, and letting it go stole the breath from my lungs and seized my heart. When Luna Bellarose told me to stay away, I thought it might be better that way. I kept telling myself we weren’t together long enough to affect Violet, and I could suck it up for her sake.
But instead, I was dying.
I could hear her crying some days. I could hear her struggling with her nightmares and sobbing through the night, and it killed me not to be able to hold her and make her fears disappear. It was killing Titan, too, and my already fragile relationship with him. He whimpered and snarled at me whenever we heard it.
It was killing us not to see her smiling or laughing at my shitty jokes. She was the only one who did. Everyone else got sick of them pretty quickly and told me to stop.
Goddess, I missed her. I missed seeing that look of determination when she did something she was afraid of. I missed the proud look on her face when she managed it, followed by the fierce motivation to do more. I missed her kisses, her laugh, her touch, her kindness, her voice.
I was slowly losing my damn mind.
I followed her everywhere, keeping enough of a distance so no one saw me. I watched her take those first steps into the diningroom alone from behind the kitchen door. I watched her walk down to the office by herself. She was getting better and better every day.
She was letting Elim train her, and as much as I hated the thought of the vampire touching her, I was proud she was still keeping up with it. It was killing me to know he was alone with her for so long every night. I knew he was interested in her. I’d seen it from the first day.
There was also another man who joined her for breakfast and lunch now. Alpha Cade’s beta. It made me enormously proud that Violet was allowing more people to get close to her again, while irrationally jealous that he could be a second-chance mate for her. Violet would make an amazing beta female. She had all the qualities for it.
The soft click of her door brought me out of my internal turmoil, and I began counting to twenty. Once I was sure she was going down the stairs, I opened my door a crack, verified she hadn’t turned back to grab something and followed.
I watched her from the corner of the alpha floor as she made her way down the stairs. When I saw her reach the bottom and turn toward the kitchen, where she met Elim every night, I hurried down and hid around the corner of the hallway to the ranked offices and waited.
Violet was sniffling when they exited through the kitchen doors a few minutes later, and Titan was instantly fighting to push forward, urging me to go to her and figure out who hurt her.
My hands fisted at my sides when Elim hugged her, and my already broken heart was pounded to dust when he kissed the side of her mouth, and Violet didn’t pull back. When she looked up at him, and gave him a small smile, I wondered if it was possible to die from heartbreak.
They walked out of the pack house together, and I walked out of my hiding spot and out the same doors. Unlike the other days, though, instead of following them to the training arena and watching her progress from one of the windows, I walked into the woods, found a downed tree and sat on it, my head in my hands.
Titan was howling in my head, snarling at me to go to her and beg her to take us back. Demanding that I make everything right again.
It’s for the best. She’s already moving on,I told Titan as I struggled not to give in to him.
It was hurting like hell, but what I just saw was confirmation that Violet would be fine. She could move on and find someone to make her happy. Elim was a royal. He was someone more worthy of her. We were doing the right thing.
I stayed on that stump for goddess knew how long, fighting Titan for control while trying to keep the tattered pieces of my heart together.
A sudden noise made us stop. A pair of eyes was looking at me from a bush nearby. I let Titan forward enough to use his more enhanced senses. Whatever this thing was, it wasn’t a wolf. It wasn’t a vampire, either. It must be that thing Elim described to Violet a while ago. My arm twitched, preparing for an attack. This thing was supposed to be deadly and fast, though it’d only chosen to eat wildlife so far.
But, that was when I realized there was absolutely no noise within the woods. Had it run out of wildlife already and had chosen me as its next meal?
A sudden thought I hadn’t had in over a year crossed my mind, and I was surprised when Titan didn’t snarl at it like he did the last time it appeared. Instead, he retreated to the back of my mind and blocked me.
I swallowed. Maybe this was his way of letting me know he accepted this was the best way to go. Mom and Dad would think I went down fighting instead of being the coward that I was. They could continue thinking of their son as a proud warrior who fought until his last breath, instead of the weak man who didn’t know what the point of living was anymore.