“How are you, baby?” She took the knife from my hand. “Really?”
“I’m fine.”
Her head shook and mouth twisted to the side. “Your spirit seems off. Your smile isn’t reaching your eyes.”
Swallowing back my emotion, I sighed. “Just… a little sad, and that’s okay. I’m going to sit with my feelings until they release me. I’ll be fine, I promise.” That was something else Naomi taught me. She taught me running from feelings and lessons made you prone to repeating them.
“Okay, but if there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”
I wanted to tell her to make her son let me be with his best friend, but I was sure that was something even she couldn’t do.
After everyone had their cake, Ma said, “Neko has a surprise for the two of you.”
“Hmm?” I said, looking from Malik to Neko.
“He called me last night and told me you’d been missing me and wanting me to be more present.” Immediately, myeyes started to water. “I questioned why he was telling me that instead of either of you, then I said maybe you didn’t feel safe or comfortable telling me. I have been focused on my healing, that I can admit. A part of me feels as if I used the both of you being grown when your father left here to justify why I wasn’t present for you.”
“Ma, you don’t—”
Her head shook and she lifted her hand to silence Malik. “I should have been more present, end of story. I will be from here on out. I promise. Now y’all hurry up and finish your cake. I want to see this surprise from Neek.”
I tried to keep my eyes off Neko but that was proving to be impossible. The fact that he’d done what was best for me without me even asking hit a place in my heart no other man had been able to reach. Regardless of my fear of being honest with my mother, I did want a closer relationship with her and my brother. I would have never expressed that, but he did. If I was able to have that relationship with them again, I would owe it to him.
When we were done with the cake and ice cream, Neko excused himself to get the gift. He had us all cover our eyes until he returned. When he did, he was holding a huge painting of my family. It was aged to what all three of us looked like now, and he’d included Daddy. For a while, all I could do was sit there and stare at it as tears streamed down my cheeks.
After Malik wiped away his tears, he stood and hugged Neko. Mama did the same. I’d planned to, but when I stood, I grew weak to my knees. A sob escaped me, wrecking my body to the point I couldn’t even stand. I didn’t have to look up to know whose arms were holding me up—they belonged to Neko—just like I belonged to him.
He assured them that I’d be okay and helped me to my room. After wiping my face with a cool towel he asked, “You want apiece of candy?” and all I could do was laugh. It was so funny because at funerals my aunt would always give anyone who cried a piece of candy. I’m not sure what sucking a hard piece of candy did for the nerves, but it somehow made us stop crying. Sniffling, I wiped a single tear and sat on the couch.
“I think I’ll be okay. I don’t think I ever really just cried for him, you know? I’ve been in denial so long.”
“I wasn’t trying to trigger you, mama. I was hoping it made you smile.”
“The picture is beautiful, and I needed that purge. I can’t live in denial about my father forever, babe. If I can’t accept that loss and grieve it, my heart will forever be shattered. Because that’s what losing him did—it fuckingshatteredme. And I’ve just been… taking the pieces of my heart and tossing them at men like darts, over and over again. But they never stick. They, they never stuck until you.” My eyes watered again, but this time, for a different reason. “With you… they stuck. And it felt like you gave me yours. It felt like I was healing, and now that’s over.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he assured me, cupping my cheek. “With me or without, you can still heal, sweet girl. You know that, right?”
“I know but…”
“But what?” he asked gently but with urgency as he stared into my eyes.
“I feel like I wouldn’t have started this journey without you. I want you to be a part of it.”
“I can be… as your friend. If that’s okay.”
“What choice do I have, Neko? I have no choice but for it to be okay.”
His hand lowered from my cheek to my hand. Our eyes remained locked, and our mouths somehow gravitated toward one another. What started as a slow, sweet kiss, quickly became deep, and hard, and passionate. And I don’t think either of usplanned to stop… until Neko’s body was literally ripped from mine.
“Malik, no!” I yelled as his fist connected with the side of Neko’s face.
“I knew it!” Malik roared, prepared to hit Neko again. “I fucking knew it!”
As caught off guard as we were, Neko was quick to defend himself. He blocked the hit and lowered himself, lifting Malik off his feet and slamming him onto the carpeted floor.
“Oh my God!” Ma yelled. “Y’all stop thisrightnow!”
“I ain’t about to fight you, nigga!” Neko yelled, using his arms and legs to keep Malik’s arms on the floor.