Page 157 of Choose the Bears

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I’d done it again. Opening my damn mouth and shit just came flying out.

“I look depressed?”

Sven started to fuss, and she collected him up in her arms, rocking him back and forth, but of course that got Kai going too. He seemed particularly offended that I’d try to soothe him, forcing me to remove the baby carrier and pass him over. Each child was like a millstone dragging her down, but a big grinding stone could be pushed away, cut free of. Nat could never do that with her kids. She loved them, you could see that on her face, but she was also so bloody tired. We’d barely made it a couple of metres up the road and she was having to soothe them both.

“Not depressed,” I said, watching her work, settling each child back down by increments. “Just… overwhelmed. Of course you are.” I moved in, helping her adjust the baby carrier straps to get them sitting better, her arms going around the children’s bodies as she patted their butts rhythmically. “I was overwhelmed when Mum got me that goldfish, remember?”

“Goldie?” She snorted, reminiscing as she kept swaying back and forth. “Didn’t he die because you forgot to feed him?”

“He was supposed to teach me responsibility. Instead, I learned a whole lot about fish burial rituals, but…” My eyes dropped down in time to watch the babies’ expression shift to something much calmer. “I’m imagining that raising two kids is much harder.”

“Much, much harder,” she breathed.

“Right, so, what do we do if we have something really hard to do?”

“Quit?” Her wry smile gave me hope.

“You’ve never quit anything in your life,” I said, moving forward and grabbing Sven’s carrier from around her neck, praying the kids kept their chill. So far, so good, I thought as I eased the neck strap over my head. “Not even that deadshit?—”

“Don’t say it.” Her hand gently covered the space where Kai’s ear was. “Don’t ever mention him in front of my children.”

“You nearly had a complete idiot for a daddy,” I told Sven, his eyes going wide as his little arms quivered. “Yes, you did. But instead, you ended up with four guys who’d walk over hot coals and fight a pride of lions…” I looked up and met Nat’s eyes. “Are there any lion shifters?”

“We have plenty of people who’ve emigrated from Africa in Australia.” Nat shrugged. “So, maybe?”

“Who’d fight a pride of lion shifters to protect you.” Sven seemed curiously pleased by this, his arms moving faster as his hands clenched tight. “They’d do anything in the world to keep you safe and happy…”

My eyes met hers and it was then I realised it wasn’t the fresh air or the street that Nat needed, but this.

“Anything at all,” I said, much more firmly. “They’re just trying to find a way to step in and take the load off you.”

Her cheeks flushed bright red and her eyes grew suspiciously shiny as she stood there, nose growing pinker by the second. Blink, blink, then a tear ran down her cheek.

“They would, wouldn’t they?” That wasn’t even a question, and she nodded before brushing away the tear. “OK, let's go back and see what they can do.”

Chapter 82

Koda

“Protein drink.”

Thorn shoved that at Nat the moment she walked in the door, and I just rolled my eyes, moving towards Holly.

“How’s my boy?”

“Gorgeous as ever and…” I pulled Sven out of his carrier. “Glad to see his daddy.”

The first time we left the house to go to work, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. To walk away from my children felt like being asked to choose which limb to chop off. I couldn’t, just couldn’t, and yet off we went. That I still felt that wrench when Nat went for a walk told me this would never get easier. That the only time I’d feel whole was when I had my children close.

And their mother closer.

Sven snuggled into my collarbone, his breath evening out automatically. The others called me the baby whisperer, but I knew. I brought a certain kind of energy to dealing with our kids, and it seemed to get reflected back. I felt his breathbrush against my skin, the scent of milk and baby powder soon following.

Then he topped that off with a gigantic fart.

“Oh, that is so your kid,” Thorn told Lars.

“You’re the one that stinks like old socks and Parmesan cheese most of the time,” my sleuth mate shot back. “Now, give me Kai…”

---