Page 63 of Kiss From A Rose

"I was going to make sandwiches. The other guests don't have lunch here," I told him. "But now…I just need to prep for dinner first."

"What's for dinner?" He leaned against a kitchen counter, his hands on the counter, his posture relaxed, like we hadn't had the emotional conversation we'd just had.

"I'm going to serve a Szechuan-style salmon with green beans on a bed of rice. Malou's stomach handles rice best so I'm including it in more of my menus." What was I doing talking about mundane nonsense like food? We needed to sort this out. He'd said he didn't want me to be alone for Christmas. That was two days away. But then he'd also said he was here for six months.Six months? What the hell did that mean?

"Sounds delicious."

"Dev and Geeta don't eat beef; and I found this recipe I wanted to try. I'm not going to make it too spicy or anything." Gray didn't like food that was too spicy, and when I'd experimented with some Indian recipes, he'd complaineda lot.

"I'll eat anything you make, Rose. I love your food."

Oh please!

"Since when?" My voice rose a few octaves. "You complained abouteverything.Why is this not cooked medium rare? Why is this so salty? Why does this have too much butter? Damn it, Gray, now that I'm gone, you can't show up and say such shit."

He nodded. "I think you're an amazing cook. I'm sorry I nitpicked—I really do love your cooking, Rose. I promise. I bragged about it to everyone all the time."

"Oh, I'm sure you did." I couldn't stop the pain from tumbling out. "She's such a great cook, thank God for that, 'cause the rest is a work in progress. Your mama said that to me, and you just sat there and nodded like she made sense."

He came close to me then, and I steeled myself for whatever he was going to throw my way. He hated it when I complainedabout his mother and never let me get away with it—cutting me down so much that I eventually stopped saying anything and just found ways to navigate around his Mama.

He put his hands on my shoulders. "I should've defended you. I should never have let my parents treat you the way they did. I know that. The ugly truth is that I knew it then as well. But it was easier for me to keep the peace, so I did, knowing that you'd handle them."

I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away. He took two steps back. "Handle them? They were cruel to me. And you let them say things that made me feel small. Then, when they died, it's like my kids and you took over for them."

My chest heaved with rage.

"I'm not educated enough. I'm not sophisticated enough. I'm just fucking notenough. So, I left you. Go find someone who is enough." I was screaming now. "Maybe that assistant of yours that everyone thinks you're fuckin'. I know she wants you."

"No, Rose, I—"

"You're kiddin' me, right? She never let me talk to you. She never delivered my messages to you. Not that she should—because a decent husband would have read my texts and responded to me. But the thing is, Gray, you did read them; you just didn't reply until it had something to do withyou."

I waited for him to erupt. We'd have a fight in a situation like this when we were younger before I realized no one won a screaming contest and let it go. God, I let so many things go that I didn't even know who the fuck I'd become.

"I know." He spoke gently, and that irritated me even more.

"Then why did you do it?" My hands were rolled up in fists at my side, my body tight as a drum.

"Because I was takin' you for granted," he said, regret evident in his demeanor. "Because I was stupid and foolish. I thought we had a happy marriage becauseIwas happy, so fucking happybeing married to you. I love you, and I knew you loved me. We had good sex."

"But then we stopped having sex, Gray, because you started sleeping in the guestroom," I pointed out. "Any other wife would have thought you were fuckin' someone else."

"Did you?"

I wanted to lie and add to his sins, but I couldn't. I shook my head.

"Because you know me."

I nodded.

"I love you, Rose. No one else has ever…I've never…why the fuck would I? I had you at home, warm and willing, full of love. I was your darling Gray, and that filled me with such joy every day."

"Then why?" All the fight left me, and I was just about ready to collapse with the pressure of holding it all together. "Then why, Gray?" I asked pitifully.

He licked his lips. "We had sex that time when…I was home late; I had dinner at Marcel's. I wanted you so much. I took you, and you didn't come. I was in a rush, and I was embarrassed."

His face had gone ruddy, and he looked uncertain, a lot like Jude had when he'd apologized to me in this same kitchen.

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