Page 64 of Kiss From A Rose

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I felt like it wasn't the first time you didn't come. I got scared that I didn't please you."

"Scared? You?" Gray Rutherford was never afraid, never vulnerable.

He gave me a sheepish smile. "I didn't have the balls to talk to you; ask you if—"

"I never faked it with you." I wanted him to know that. "If it didn't happen, I never pretended. We were together twenty years, Gray, and it wasn't always about release. It was about intimacy. It was about—"

"Just us together," he finished for me.

"Yes, and you took it away, and that was the last thing holding us together."

"No." He took steps toward me. "No. I love you. You love me.Thatholds us together. Even if I could never fuck you again, though I'm too young to die celibate, I'd still love you."

I almost smiled at the celibate remark. Gray had a good sense of humor. Like I told Malou, it wasn't like all our twenty years together were bad—no, we had fun as a couple and a family. It was the last years when it all started to hit harder because the kids were gone, and we just didn't spend any time together. He may think he loved me, but if he did, I'd feel it, and I didn't.

"I don't feel loved by you," I repeated.

"And that'smyfault. I intend to do better."

I shook my head. "You said you were going to sign the papers? What happened?"

"I don't want a divorce, Rose. I mean it. I'm here. I'm herewithyou."

I sneered. "You're here because the kids are here. You knew Willow was coming, so you decided to join them." I didn't know how to stop saying the things that made him wince. I didn't even realize I had so much anger inside of me, and it was all coming out.

"I want to spend time withyou. They leave on the twenty-seventh, but I'm here for months after. I'm not going anywhere, Rose, not without you."

He seemed so determined that hope, which I'd crushed under a big rock, started to wiggle around. I sat down on that big rock to curb that same hope because it was a dangerous emotion, not good for my well-being.

"I don't believe you," I finally confessed.

I didn't trust my husband. That was the crux of it. He hadn't stood up for me against his parents. He'd let our kids talk down to me.Hetalked down to me.

"I know I've lost your trust. I'll earn it back."

He was so sincere that it hurt.

"I need to prep for dinner." I turned my back on him, and when he nagged me to give him something to do, I made him string a shit ton of green beans. He did as I asked without complaining.

CHAPTER 24

Gray

The living room at Angel's Rest B&B was steeped in the warm glow of Christmas lights; the air was filled with the clink of glasses and the soft murmur of holiday cheer. My wife had decorated this room—set it up just the way she did our home in Atlanta, making our world homely and cozy.

The Indian couple was on a loveseat, a blanket draped over them. The older couple had excused themselves after dinner.

Mike and Willow had come the previous afternoon and the look on Rose's face had been a balm to my bruised heart. Having her children with herandme, even though she wouldn't admit it, was important to her during the holidays. She always made it special, and she was doing it here just as she did at our home.

Jude seemed to have made his peace with Mike because they sat next to one another in comfortable armchairs by the fireplace, talking.

Unfortunately, Mike hadn't given me the same reprieve as Jude. I had tried to talk to him when I called Willow, but he'd turned me down. I didn't blame him. If there was anyone who held the responsibility for how our family had broken down, it was me. I was the head of this family, and I'd not done my job. I hadn't protected my wife. I hadn't stepped in to teach my children better.

Malou sat next to me on a couch. She sat up on the pillows, her feet resting close to me. She looked frailer than the previous day, and Rose told me she had good days and bad ones. This wasn't a good day. The room was warm, what with the fireplace blazing, but Malou wore her hat and a big sweater. I'd put a blanket over her, tucking her in.

Malou had come for dinner but had excused herself after fifteen minutes. I'd taken her to her room and was glad that she'd let me. Rose had thanked me as she wanted to spend time with Willow and Mike.

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