Page 40 of Kiss From A Rose

Dr. Mercer took some more notes.

"You say that everyone can see you've been ignoring your wife. Doyousee that?"

"I do now."

"Tell me about it. How did you ignore her?"

I ran a hand through my hair. This thinking through the responses to question after question was hard work. I didn't have all the answers, and the answers I did have made me feel worse about myself as they showed me how poorly I'd been treating my wife.

It was revealing what I'd learned in the space of a few minutes with Dr. Mercer. Rose was my safe space, so she wasn't allowed to have any problems or issues. She was supposed to be a dollwho was there to take care of me and make me feel better, and when that was done, I went my way, and she? Well, she thought about killing herself becauseIwasn't her safe space. I didn't give her room to tell me what was happening with her. I could talk to her about anything, and she'd listen. How many times did I reciprocate?

By the time Dr. Mercer and I ended out conversation, I was exhausted. And this was just a half-hour session? I wouldn't last if I had to do this for a whole hour.

"Before you leave, I want you to think about two things," Dr. Mercer said, "Think of it as homework. First, I want you to know and understand why you started to sleep away from your wife when your relationship has been a lot about the marital bed. Second, I want you to imagine how a conversation with your wife would go if she had talked to you about her suicidal ideation. A conversation you took seriously, and not the way you lambasted her on the phone when she mentioned it."

I got up from the couch, feeling like I'd been through a mulching machine. "Thank you, Dr. Mercer."

"Gray, in my professional opinion, you should continue therapy now while you're in crisis. You should see someone at least twice a week. I can give you referrals. I think you might do better with a man."

I glanced at her. "Why?"

"I haven't talked to you long, and I may be wrong. But, I believe you respect men more than you do women."

"No," I immediately said. "I'm not one of those assholes."

She smiled. "I suspect an implicit bias. We all have biases. I have a slight bias against white men, doesn't change the fact that my husband is a white man. I'll send you an email with some referrals."

"You won't take me on?"

"If that's what you want, absolutely. I counsel a lot of couples individually and together, though I prefer not to. I just think you'll do better with a man. You can come to see me again. Just use the portal on my website to make an appointment."

As I reached the door, I stopped and turned around. "Thank you for saving my wife's life."

"You have a good rest of the day, Gray."

I knew she couldn't even acknowledge that Rose was a patient. But I wanted her to know that I was grateful for what she did for her. I was also grateful for what she'd just done for me.

Before I left, I spoke to her assistant, who did the bookkeeping and set up payment for Rose; apparently,thatwas not seen as a problem.

As I drove home, I called my head of architecture. He'd come on board four years ago and had proven himself time and again as a great architectandleader.

"How's it goin', boss?" Justin said.

"Hey, man, I'll talk more about this with you tomorrow face-to-face, but for now, I need to tell you that I am needin' to take a leave of absence."

Silence.

"Justin?"

"Is everything okay with you? Your health?"

"Yeah, no worries there."

I could hear his confusion. "You're going to take time off? You don't even take weekends off, Gray. What's goin' on?"

I sighed. Might as well tell him. "Rose left me. I need to save my marriage.

"I'm sorry, Gray. Rose is good people. How much time do you need?"

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