Page 73 of Love You Too

But I can’t help the way my eyes shoot to the screen, scanning for clips of the Otters game from earlier today. Even though I told myself not to watch it, I know they won. Good news for the team and for Ren, who takes every downturn as a personal failure. As a type A personality myself, I get it. I just wish hisdevotion to his sport didn’t come at the expense of everything else in his life.

“I think a part of me will always worry that he’s going to bail on me again,” I tell her, searching the screen for any sign of game highlights, any tiny glimpse of Ren. I’m no better than the groupie I was right after he left, searching sports news for photos of him, scrolling tabloid sites, not wanting to see him with other women and hating myself for looking.

Eventually, I got over him and stopped. Now, though, I won’t be able to do the same because we’re bound by the child I could lose right here, right now.

“Of course you’re going to worry about that because you’re in love with him,” Julie says. “Same guy, same love. Only now, it could really be something. Ofcourseit’s going to hurt more if he can’t come through for you, but I think he can.”

There’s a quick knock on the door, and then it swings open. I sigh in relief at the expectation of seeing my doctor’s face.

Finally.

I need her. She’ll know what to do. She’ll calm me down if there’s nothing to worry about. I need a full report so I can relay it to Ren, even if he doesn’t seem interested in texting me back.

Instead, I get Ren. He looks as panicked as I feel as he rushes into the room wearing a long-sleeved Otters tee and sweatpants. He lets out a long exhale as though he’s been holding his breath for a week. “Trix, Jesus. You scared the shit out of me. What happened? Are you okay?”

His eyes rake over me, searching my eyes for answers and settling on my enormous belly. He starts to reach a hand toward me but reconsiders and shoves it into the pocket of his sweats.

“How are you here?” First things first.

“I took the team jet as soon as I got your texts. But the Wi-Fi was jammed on the plane, so I couldn’t reach you in the air.” He comes close to me and picks up my hand. I feel a rush of warmthenvelop my body just from that tiny touch. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I had some bleeding and contractions,” I tell him.

“Everything’sfine,” Julie adds, shooting me a look. It’s a mixture of hopefulness and warning.

“As far as we know,” I correct, wishing I could feel nothing when I look at Ren with his tousled hair and his long-sleeved shirt that can’t hide his strong shoulders and arms.

Ren looks from me to Julie and back again. “Which of you do I believe? Is everything okay or not?”

Before we can answer, there’s another rap of knuckles on the door, and Doctor Salinger enters in her blue scrubs and white coat. She looks a hell of a lot calmer than any of us in the room. Apparently, she’s used to that because she doesn’t skip a beat. “It’s going to be okay,” she says, reading my chart and then washing her hands.

Ren doesn’t look convinced. In fact, he looks like he might faint. Doctor Salinger must notice the same thing because she wheels over a stool so he can sit on it. He looks steadier, but the color doesn’t return to his face.

For a moment, it warms my heart to see how much he cares. Then I remind myself that he’s just being a good dad. We are not a couple. My heart needs to settle down and stop looking for something it can’t have.

The exam only takes a few minutes, after which Doctor Salinger assures me that the bleeding may come and go, but the amniotic sac is intact, and all the baby’s vital signs look good. “You’ve been having Braxton Hicks contractions?”

I shrug. “My stomach tightens, and I feel pressure. Am I in actual labor?”

“When did it start? What can I do? How can I help?” Ren looks helpless and sweet asking this flurry of questions, and I have to remind myself I’m still upset with how we left things.This is the guy I want by my side. I just wish it didn’t take a medical emergency to get him here.

“Calm down, it’s going to be okay,” the doctor tells him. She walks him through the medical protocols and what to expect if the drugs do their job. “These are Braxton Hicks contractions, totally normal in the middle of a pregnancy, though I recommend limiting vigorous activity because of the bleeding. For the time being, no brisk walks, no lifting weight at all, and let’s see if we can get things to calm down. I could keep her here for observation tonight, but I think that getting a good night’s sleep at home would be the best medicine. Just relax, Beatrix, as much as you can. Stress is not your friend.”

“Okay,” I say under Ren’s concerned stare.

“Like I said, I don’t see any reason to worry, but if something changes, call me right away.”

The doctor makes some notes in my chart and moves from the room, leaving the three of us in an awkward silence. Ren looks at me. I look at Julie. She looks at Ren. Rinse, repeat.

“If you don’t have any questions, I’ll leave you two alone. Ren, you can get her home, yes?” Julie nods at him, then at me. I tilt my head at her questioningly, and she presses her lips together and points to Ren.

“She’s saying we should talk,” Ren interprets. “And she’s right because I have some things I need to tell you.”

“I’m also saying you should cut back on work.” Julie points at me and lingers in the doorway for a moment, gazing at us. “I’m rooting for you, Ren,” she says before closing the door. “I’m rooting for both of you.”

Yeah. I’m rooting for us, too.

CHAPTER 33

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