Page 44 of The Headmistress

“But you can’t be with me, or choose me, because you have a job to do, and said job precludes you from entering into a sexual relationship with one of your subordinates.”

Magdalene started, then looked absolutely adorably discombobulated before dissolving in a fit of giggles. It was Sam’s turn to stop and simply stare, completely charmed by the cutest sound of Magdalene’s easy, unrestrained laughter.

“Sam… God, every time I think I have you figured out, you surprise me, you have this amazing quality of shifting, of never staying the same and always being a delightful revelation. That legalese treatise you just sprung on me is the perfect example.”

She cupped Sam’s cheek, kissing her sweetly on the mouth.

“Yes, I told you just now and many times before, I have a job to do, something I’ve been aspiring towards my whole life. Something that only solidified when I entered this school as an impressionable sixteen-year-old and found a home and a community. Dragons is hurting right now and needs to be saved more so than ever. Believe me, after sitting through meeting upon meeting of financial revisions, budgetary considerations, and just plain cultural assessments for the school conducted by the Board, the overwhelming consensus among its nine members is that the school will not survive the upcoming year. That the endowment will fold and the Academy will need to be closed. The debts are overwhelming, which only allows them to justify their frustrations with the cultural shift at the school over the last twenty years and serves to displease those conservative, puritanical idiots even more.”

She took a few deep breaths, but her color was up and she was obviously agitated beyond what a little breathing exercise could fix.

“I have to try. I have to do my absolute best and fix this situation. Because for those six months I lived at Dragons, I found solace and refuge and a safe haven. And the two hundred girls we house and feed and educate need that too. Girls like Lily and Amanda and all the rest. The world is a pretty harsh place, and if Dragons can protect them for at least their school years, prepare them for what’s out there and give them a sense of belonging, then we’ll have managed to make their lives better, easier. Life will beat them up sooner or later, but for now, they are safe and sound.”

It was Sam’s turn to grin. This woman, flushed and enthusiastic and so damn idealistic, was so unlike the one that had walked into the Mess Hall and fired everyone. And yet, both were real. Sam knew that to achieve her ambition, Magdalene would be ruthless, because Sam could see clearly now—the end result would be worth it. It had occurred to her that Magdalene might apply that ruthlessness to Sam as well, but despite the fact that the outcome would offset some of the pain, it still hurt like hell.

“However, I can’t do any of that if I’m not Headmistress of Three Dragons. My reforms are bound to be as unpopular with the Board of Trustees as they will be with the faculty and student body. To right this ship, to save Dragons, I will render decisions that will make me pretty much despised by one and all. The trustees will look for any excuse to fire me, and the school body will do everything to help them out. Their reasons will be directly opposite, but their goal will be the same. And so I have to be above any and all reproach. At least until I manage to achieve what I hope to achieve. Or until my one-year contract is up.”

Sam gulped noisily, and Magdalene held her, willowy arms tightening around Sam’s neck.

“So you’re giving me up, is that what you’re saying?” Sam couldn’t hold back a small sob.

“I don’t think you realize the depth and intensity of what I feel for you, Sam. I don’t want to give it a name, because I cannot yet give myself to you fully. And so I won’t say those words, but trust me. Nothing is easy for me in this situation.”

She took a deep breath, her ribcage expanding under Sam’s hands, and Sam felt like she was holding a bird, one that would fly away if she herself so much as exhaled.

“I can’t believe I’m even in this situation, to begin with, Sam. I’ve had very few and very discreet liaisons with women before my marriage and after my divorce, but things just didn’t feel right, as I was constantly dissembling and hiding my own feelings from everyone, including from myself. I had resigned myself to never seeing the woman from the hotel again. It was the night that the last of my shackles fell and I allowed myself to admit that I had repressed my sexuality my whole life and that it was time to be free. Except I also knew I was stepping into a very conservative institution, my dream job, that would not allow me to be quite as free in my newly affirmed bisexuality. And so I let that night go, or so I thought. Because when I set foot inside that Mess Hall, there you were, in your flannel shirt and your beat-up Converse, with your outrage and anger and that holier-than-thou attitude that should not have been sexy or appealing, and yet, I could not stay away from you…”

Magdalene smiled up at her shyly. “And seeing you be so blinded by loyalty and pushed so hard by pretty much everyone at school to oppose me. God, Sam, how could I have trusted you? Yet I couldn’t resist you. Days, nights, I tried my damnedest. This is my dream, has been since I was sixteen, and I was putting it all on the line for a stubborn, blonde math teacher with a shy smile and sexy bedroom eyes, eyes that looked at me with so much animosity and with so much lust.”

Sam ducked her chin, trying to hide her guilty expression only to be hugged closer.

“I didn’t trust you at all, Sam. Despite the lust, despite the attraction you clearly felt for me, I couldn’t allow myself to confide in you. Until two days ago when I heard you stand up for me. You could have destroyed me with a carefully placed word. Alden was eager for it. But you didn’t. You protected me and… You trusted me, in turn, to protect what you hold dear. I know that it is time for me to trust you.”

She looked so torn, so distraught, that Sam suddenly felt very selfish. Here was this woman who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, scarred by fate, by betrayal, by the expectation that she will fail. And if by chance she wouldn’t, they’d endeavor to take her down anyway for daring, for succeeding, for taking a stand. And here was Sam, trying to add to her burden. That wouldn’t do.

“I’m sorry.” At Magdalene’s raised eyebrow, Sam smiled and traced the perfectly groomed arch with her fingertip. “You’re so beautiful. Sometimes I lose my train of thought, my breath, and my sanity just looking at you.” The slight blush on Magdalene’s cheekbones only made Sam’s heart expand wider.

“I won’t stand in your way. Don’t say anything. Just listen to me. You’re right. You have a job to do, and the number of people who depend on your success is as high as the number of those who crave your failure. And you’re right that I trust you with the school. So among all the noise and all the demands on you, don’t let me be one of those people. Instead, let me be the one person in your life who wants nothing but to see you triumph. Let me be the one who does not put any additional pressure on you.”

A tear escaped eyes that were almost entirely amber with a very thin circle of blue, barely visible. Sam wiped the tear away, watching with astonishment as Magdalene struggled and finally succeeded in keeping all the others at bay. Even now, unclothed and uncovered, body and soul naked and exposed, she was trying to shield Sam from her emotions, from more responsibility and more guilt. Sam felt benediction and absolution on her fingertips as she held that single tear.

“Will you let me be the person who is simply here for you and who just waits for you?”

The dam broke then, Magdalene’s tears flowing freely. Sam didn’t know if it was the heightened emotions, the exhaustion from having all the expectations weigh heavy on her, or Sam’s absolute support—the complete trust or the complete understanding that she believed she now had of Magdalene—that tipped her lover over the edge, so she just held the sobbing body in her arms, murmuring tender things and rubbing circles on her back. She would hold her and wait for her for a year or for as long as the universe and Dragons needed her to wait.

16

Of Evasiveness & Tartness Of Memories

Sam was sure that the week before the students were to arrive would drag. She was busy with last-minute preparations, and with her hands full with Lily and the rest of the girls who had spent the summer at Dragons, some things had clearly been lost on her.

Chief among them was the sudden flurry of activity at the abandoned astronomy tower on top of Viridescent Dragon Cliff. Since the school sprawled and occupied over half the island—with various buildings and structures, quite a number of them abandoned—Sam was surprised to see the hustle and bustle over at the standalone cliff. It was the one closest to town, hence Sam rarely passed by it or spent any time on it, the long-existing preconceived notions of strict separation between school and town firmly in place.

When Sam finally cottoned on to the occurring changes and asked about the hubbub over on Viridescent, Magdalene kept being evasive.

“I’m unsure what you mean,” would be Magdalene’s usual coy retort, and it only spurred Sam’s curiosity, but then the Headmistress would do something like lick her lips and wink at her, and right on cue Sam would forget entirely what they’d been talking about.

That seemed to be the pattern these last few days. Every time Sam had a question, be it about scholarships, or the religious studies curriculum, or the construction that appeared to be going on everywhere at once, Magdalene would do something, or murmur something that would be so sensual, so sexy, it would take Sam’s breath away and focus her attention on other matters. Such as Magdalene’s breasts, encased in these white button-up blouses, that weren’t really transparent, but sheer enough to hint at a lacy bra underneath. Sam’s thoughts would immediately turn to how she had sucked on Magdalene’s nipple through another lacy bra, doubling the friction of the material with her teeth, and what it had done to the owner of said nipples, and then she’d honestly no longer remember nor care about whatever question she’d had in mind.

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