Page 6 of Between Our Hearts

Sadie often worried that the activities she engaged in with Lottie—mostly of the playing outside variety—were in some way exerting that same unrelenting pressure Penelope had pressed on her shoulders over the years.

Intentionally straightening her spine, she mumbled, “My relationship with Lottie isn’t the same as the one with Mama. I let her be who she is.”

As she dropped her work bag next to her desk, a ripple of anguish whipped through her looking at the place where she’d first miscarried. The pain had seared through her insides more powerfully than any cramp while she had been finishing charts one lazy Sunday evening. She’d called out for Clark in a voice so panicked that at the time, she hadn’t recognized it as her own. He’d been at her side in a breath, holding her, supporting her, asking with a worried look in his eyes if they should call for a sitter and go to the ER.

Even in that moment, she’d known in her bones it was over—this hollow awareness resonated deep in her marrow. Medical training had nagged in the background as well, knowing the words her OB would tell her would mirror the ones she’d told anxious families in the OR waiting room when a patient didn’t pull through.

Sadie’s hand flew to her belly, reminding herself that it wasn’t an automatic this time. This time, things could be different.

Please stay with me,she begged the tiny life inside her.

Each loss hit Sadie harder than the last, making her pull back from everything in her life. The cruelness seemed exponentially difficult to bear after the effortless way Lottie had been conceived.

Sadie stared in disbelief at the blue cross staring back at her.

There’s no way this is happening, she thought.

There’s no way that after nearly two decades on the same birth control, it had failed her at the ripe age of thirty-five, seven months into the longest relationship she’d ever had. She’d never even planned on having kids. She and Parker had an air-tight plan to be the kickass spinster aunts in each of their families.

The fact that she didn’t want a family and Clark—who was currently whistling while washing the breakfast dishes just beyond the closed bathroom door—did was one of those deal breaker situations. But neither of them had addressed it yet. Everything about their relationship had been so hot and so fast that she figured when the intensity died down in a few months, they’d eventually get to the reasons that they shouldn’t be together long-term.

Except now she had somethingverylong-term building cell-upon-cell inside her. Something that would eventually outlive her. Her open palm stifled a small, squeaky sound trying to escape her mouth.

Shaking her head, she told herself to get a grip before wrapping the pregnancy test in an excessive amount of toilet paper and shoving it to the bottom of Clark’s trash. She splashed another round of cold water over her face before opening the door to Clark’s kitschy one-bedroom apartment.

His toned and tanned bare back shifted as he did a little dance while scrubbing the skillet he’d scrambled eggs in. Paint-splattered sweatpants hung loosely over his hips.

“I’m pregnant.” The words burst from her, prompting her to cover her subsequent gasp with her palm again.

The plan had been to wait until she could confirm with an ultrasound or something more scientific like a blood test. It’d been a while since medical school, and she didn’t really remember much of her OB rotation, but she was pretty sure store bought pregnancy tests weren’t one-hundred-percent accurate.

Clark’s brilliant blue eyes flipped over his shoulder before his whole body turned. Soapy bubbles from the sponge dripped down the skillet and onto the floor. “You’re kidding?”

Sadie could only shake her head.

A laugh burst from him as he took a step toward her before noticing his occupied hands. He returned the items to the sink, turned off the water, and hastily dried his hands on his pants before sweeping her skyward.

Her brows pinched together from her space near the ceiling. “You’re not upset?”

Clark’s arms loosened slightly and gravity took over, allowing her to slowly slide against his firm chest until her toes touched the ground.

His bright, excited eyes met hers. “No, this is perfect.”

Before she could answer to the contrary, his mouth was over hers. It was several minutes later before he allowed her to catch her breath, darting away to his desk tucked in the corner by the window. His hand obscured the view of the object he retrieved from the top draw until she could feel his breath on her face again. Within the small velvet ring box sat the most beautiful cushion-cut diamond on a rose gold band.

When her eyes flitted up to his, he smiled, the dimple in his left cheek deepening.

“See, I told you it was perfect.”

Sadie took a halting breath, shaking off the memory and continuing upstairs. After getting changed into jeans, a light sweater, and sneakers, she found Clark and Lottie in the backyard. A grey and black soccer ball was between Clark’s broad hands behind his head, his elbows bent in preparation to throw it. His Adam’s apple was prominent as his chin jutted up, apparently looking for something in the branches of the many sweetgum maples lining the edge of their grass.

At last, he tossed the ball, and it hit a thick branch thirty feet above him. Several hundred tiny, light pink objects began pinwheeling down to the ground. Lottie squealed as she ran to get beneath the natural confetti, dancing as they showered down on her. Sadie arrived at her daughter’s side in time to catch three of the fluttering objects in her upturned palm. Seed pods. She ran her thumb over their slightly iridescent winged shape, and they fractured in her hand.

“Mama!” Lottie hugged her shins.

Sadie picked up her daughter, nuzzling into her soft curls. “Hi.” The more and more she closed herself off, the more she missed her daughter’s smell, her daughter’s voice, her daughter’s touch. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“We didn’t think you’d be home this early.” Clark’s edgy voice pulled her attention.

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