Page 7 of Between Our Hearts

His eyes were cautious as he spoke, dark eyebrows holding a slight pinch.

It’d been more than a week since they’d kissed in the kitchen. Ever since, she’d been working nearly non-stop to avoid being alone with him. To be fair, he’d been spending more time in the woodshop, even though he claimed that he’d finished the repairs on the house months ago.

“I thought I’d leave early.”

Clark’s face visibly relaxed, and the smile that had often lived on his face before everything went complicated returned in full force. It felt as if Lottie had accidentally kicked her in the stomach.

It was staggering sometimes how attractive her husband was. He kept his dark, nearly black straight hair neat on the back and sides, but longer and careless over the top. When the breeze played with it like it did now, it made her finger’s itch to race over his scalp. Though he’d always been fit, he’d packed on even more muscle since becoming a stay-at-home dad and attending Dad Bod Fitness classes six days a week. After she’d picked “the hottest guy in the room” to kiss on a lark the day they’d met, it still baffled her that he was still with her.

When it felt overwhelming, Sadie found herself focusing on the little imperfections that made him real. Like the slight, almost imperceptible crookedness of his nose, or how his collarbones were somewhat uneven, or the thin white scar that ran the line of the left side of his jaw from a years-ago accident at work. Right now, that jaw was covered with several days’ worth of dark stubble. Her brows twinged—he’d always shaved every morning.

“After we’re done chasing seed pods, I thought we’d have a fire. It’s probably the last cool day to have one.” Clark gestured toward the built-in stone firepit and surrounding seating area. Wood had been stacked into a triangle in preparation.

“Oh.” She glanced at Lottie, who was happily sucking the first two fingers of her left hand. “I thought I’d spend some time with Lottie. Maybe take her to the park? Like a mommy/daughter date?”

Clark winced at the word date. The features of his face hardened as his gaze fixed over her shoulder. “You should. You guys never get time alone. I could use a break anyway.”

Her stomach dipped. “You’re sure?”

“Just take her to the bathroom first.” He bent to pick up the soccer ball. “We’re potty training now. She’s in big girl undies.”

An invisible hand clenched and twisted her intestines. Being unaware of this change in her daughter’s life made the guilt she felt earlier magnify tenfold.

“See.” Lottie pulled at the waistband of her leggings to reveal rainbowed training undies.

“You’ve been doing a great job today, little love.” The blatant affection in his voice made Sadie’s skin feel scrubbed raw. “No accidents.”

“I big girl,” Lottie beamed.

“Yes, you are.” She tightened her grip on her daughter, kissing her cheek. Sadie’s lips came back tasting of blackberry jam. “Okay.” She bounced Lottie a bit on her hip, stalling.

“See you when you get back.” Clark turned his back to her, disassembling the wood and stacking it neatly in the nearby woodpile.

Sadie would’ve liked to think she did a decent job of pushing the interaction with her husband from her mind while she played with Lottie on the Peaceably Park playground. She followed her daughter through the small playground meant for two-to-five-year-olds, going down the four-feet-long barely inclined slides, over and over. It was when Lottie was happily being pushed in the bucket swings that her mind flashed back to the cutting glint in Clark’s eyes.

Since she’d been volunteering for extra call shifts and helping Vinay, the new residency chair, in addition to taking more time to herself, she’d been leaving Clark home almost exclusively with Lottie. Their daughter was pretty easy-going as far as toddlers went, but she still required a lot of attention. Maybe he was feeling burnt out from essentially being a single parent. A plan formulated in her mind, and by the time they got home, just in time for Lottie to use the potty again and keep her dry streak, she’d decided to broach the subject after bedtime.

Though Clark had already made dinner, Sadie insisted on doing all of Lottie’s nighttime routine herself. Clark came into their daughter’s room for stories, and they sat, three in a row against Lottie’s toddler bed, reading before putting her to bed.

Once the door had been shut on their daughter’s room, she spoke. “I want to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?”

Clark eyed her while leading them to their bedroom. “Sure.”

“I’ve been thinking about all the things you do for Lottie, for me, and I want you to know I really appreciate all the sacrifices you’ve made for us—”

“Taking care of our daughter is not a sacrifice. I’m her father.” He folded his arms over his blue half-zip sweater.

A strangled exhale left her lips. “That’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is because of my hours, you’re with her a lot. You seem to be really tense lately, and I thought maybe you could use more of a break. We could put her in a preschool program or maybe get a nanny.”

Clark pinched the bridge of his nose, and that simple action told Sadie she’d said the wrong thing. “I don’t need a break, Sadie. I need you to talk to me.”

He’d nearly yelled the last three words, so she moved to close their bedroom door. “I am talking to you.”

An irritated half-laugh burst from his lips. “No, you’re not.”

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I feel like I’m being shredded internally because Iliterallyam? Life is being ripped from my body, forcing me to deal with the bloody aftermath, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Her voice broke.

“Love.” His anger vanished as he took two large strides toward her.

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