Page 5 of Between Our Hearts

It wasn’t an unreasonable thing for him to say that he missed her. Ithad been two weeks, after all. But they both knew that the breathy way he’d whispered it into her open mouth meant he missed her wanting this as much as he did. That he missed the way they used to be before trying for Lottie’s sibling had become more challenging than either of them had anticipated.

He felt his hands loosen as she pulled away. “I’ve got an early case in the morning. I should get some sleep.”

His chest felt as if it was tearing into sixteen distinct pieces as he stepped back.

Her face pinched as she moved to pour the full bowl of cereal down the drain. Metal blades cutting through softened cornmeal reverberated in the silent room. She turned off the disposal but didn’t move from her position in front of the sink.

Crossing the room more cautiously than he would if he’d encountered a frightened and injured animal, he came to stand behind her. When her head bowed, he couldn’t help running his palm down the defeated curve of her spine as his lips met the back of her skull. She didn’t move or flinch, and he allowed himself to wrap his arms around her, gently pulling her back to his chest.

Sadie melted into him, closing her eyes and resting her cheek against his. He wanted to tell her that he loved her more than anything but worried that even saying that would break the tentative moment of peace they found themselves in. Instead, he watched her beautiful face in the reflection of the darkened window over the sink. Mostly her forehead was slack and relaxed, but occasionally it would tweak.

He didn’t know what was running through her mind, but he knew she wouldn’t tell him the truth anyway. Her refusal to talk to him, to let him share those burdens with her, tore at him more than each loss they experienced. Her not trusting him was excruciating.

Taking a deep breath, he kissed the crook of her neck before stepping back. Holding her was all that he’d wanted a moment ago, but now it’d become so painful that he just couldn’t be near her anymore. Her surprised eyes blinked open as he resisted the urge to rub his hand over his throbbing chest.

“I’ll let you get some sleep.”

Her lips downturned. “What are you going to do?”

“I started a project in the woodshop during Lottie’s nap that I’d like to finish tonight.”

When they’d bought this house a few weeks before their wedding, it had needed a lot of work, but Clark had happily taken on the project. It had given him something to use his skills as a custom carpenter once he’d decided to stop working full-time and stay home with Lottie. The first thing he’d done was take the extra detached garage and turn it into his dream woodshop.

Slowly over the last three years, he’d customized everything in the home and restructured the layout of several rooms. He’d even redone the entire deck and built Lottie a personalized playhouse in the yard. Now that their home was perfect, he felt at a loss. He’d always figured he’d go back to work part time when Lottie was in school, but right now that was several years away.

Taking Lottie on their Sunday morning stroll through the farmer’s market had actually sparked an idea in him. The weekly market occupying the largest parking lot at the end of the town’s quaint main-street style small-business area had lots of farm stands but also tents for the mom-and-pop coffee shop, the secondhand store, an indie bookstore, and several different artisans. Clark usually enjoyed chatting up the blacksmith, who was a staple next to the apiary owners.

During their last conversation, he’d admired an intricate wall hanging commenting on how it would fit perfectly between the shelves he’d just finished in the den. The more the conversation evolved, the more he ended up sharing about himself and his listlessness now that he didn’t have a project to complete. When Thatcher had offhandedly mentioned that he could do woodworking, Clark had laughed it off. That day he’d bought the guitar.

But the conversation had run through his mind so many times over the lonely weeks following that he’d ended up looking at different projects online. Geometric wood art wall hangings were quite popular right now, and with his skillset, they’d be incredibly easy to produce.

“Oh, okay.” Sadie’s eyes flicked to the ground.

“Sadie.” Her name was an exhausted exhale. “Do you want me to come to bed with you?”

All she had to do was say yes, to ask for what she wanted, toTalk To Him, and he’d do it. But it hurt too much to guess and then get it wrong and be rejected over and over again.

“No.” He felt her word like a two-by-four to the side of his skull. “You should finish your project.”

He waited a beat before he said, “All right.”

She nodded to the ground.

His step back punched him in the stomach, but he forced himself to turn and walk out of the room.

?Chapter 3?

Hooking her keys on the custom organizer Clark had built in the mudroom, Sadie kicked off her ballet flats. Out of habit, she ran her hand tenderly over her husband’s construction. Some of the yellow pollen from the opening of the pinecones remained on her fingertips. The dust was impossible to avoid mid-April in the south, and it had stubbornly infiltrated the mudroom by wafting through the garage door.

She slid her shoes into the shoe rack built below the cushioned bench, taking the time to line them up nicely though for years she’d just tossed them in a heap by the door. When she straightened, Lottie’s yellow rain slicker and matching boots caught her attention. Guilt tightened her ribs.

It had been a challenge not to head to one of her places after leaving the office today. Most residents of their town would see them simply as well-planned green spaces, but for Sadie the Northwood parks she frequented were outdoor sanctuaries she could run to when her emotions threatened to overtake her. Though the pull had been magnetic as she drove, Sadie had managed to grip the steering wheel and keep herself from using the turn signal in the wrong direction.

Today she needed to go home and spend time with Lottie. She needed to try and push everything else aside and be present with her daughter.

In the past, time with Lottie had always included Clark, but with the way things were between them, she just couldn’t take the broken way her husband looked at her.

So the idea of “Mommy/Daughter time” had surfaced in her mind. Growing up, her mother, Penelope, had forced Sadie into shopping and beauty appointments. As an adult, Sadie’s nails were often shorter than most mens’, and she’d always been too pragmatic to fuss with or keep up polish. And with the ease of online shopping, Sadie hadn’t stepped in a clothing store in years.

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