Page 70 of My Heart Before You

Ashley took a deep, steadying breath. “What I’m saying is that I told you to be careful with her. Things are going to be a bit slow, but that doesn’t mean she can’t love you the way you love her.”

He looked her straight in the eye, his words reverberating with conviction. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Emilie.”

Ashley scrubbed her hands over her face, nearly knocking off her glasses. “That’s exactly my point. You love her, but you’re pushing her away? She’s not pushing you away, if anything she’s letting you in. Have you considered that she might be terrified to lose you? Consider what she’s already lost.”

The sentence fired off before he could calm down. “I’ve lost people I loved too.”

Her expression softened. “None of us can control when someone leaves us,” she paused, “but isn’t the chance of love better than none at all? I’d take that chance if I was given it. I haven’t experienced love myself, but Iknowwith every fiber of my being that it’s possible. I’ve seen it. I see a glimmer of it when the two of you are together, but you’ll never find out what could be if you push her away.”

The defensiveness that he’d carried just under his collarbones the last four days slowly started to wane. As they stood silent for a minute, the cacophony of the hospital just outside the door creeped into the small space.

“You should call her,” she said gently. “Also flowers don’t hurt.”

The stark realization that his coworker had literally knocked some sense into him washed over this body. He’d been so worried about Emilie rejecting him again that he’d justified blocking her out, even after she took a huge step and told him about her past.

Shit. I am an asshole.

A short breath left his lungs. “Damn it, Ashley. You’re right.”

Her grin was wide. “I think it’s Ash now.”

The door behind her opened, and Barbara entered the staff lounge taking a look at the two of them. She continued on to the refrigerator, saying evenly, “Ashley. Dr. Abernan.”

Ash’s eyes widened pointedly. “I believe you were going to make a call, Dr. Abernan.”

“Yes.” He nodded a goodbye to both women before he left the room.

He exited the lounge, wanting to rectify the mess he’d made with Emilie immediately, but forced himself to write the orders his patient needed. After speaking to the woman and her family, he walked briskly to the hallway just outside the unit.

Grabbing his cell phone from his pocket, he pulled Emilie’s contact up on the screen. How could he not have considered her feelings in his foolish attempt at self-preservation? He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid.

The phone rang several times before her voicemail picked up. She was probably avoiding his call, rightfully so. He raced down the stairs to the OR to change his clothes, hoping that it wasn’t too late to fix this.

When he arrived at her building with the flowers he’d purchased from the hospital gift shop, the sun had just set, casting an unnatural glow onto the street. He stomped his boots against the ground trying to free some of the accumulated slush from the walk over and pushed the buzzer for her condo.

There was no answer.

Internally, he cursed himself again for being so idiotic as his finger found the button a second time. Before he could push it, a couple came behind him using their key to enter the building and kindly let him in. As he climbed the three flights to her door, he mentally ran through all the things he wanted to apologize for. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on her door.

Please be home. Please be home.

The door didn’t open, but Colin could hear her on the phone.

Her voice was so strained.

Clips of words and eventually, “I love you too, Mom,” came before the sounds ceased. His stomach tightened with an unnatural twist as an agonizing resonance hummed in his arms and fingers.

His forehead clunked on the door as he willed it to open. “Emilie?” he called out. “Can I talk to you?”

He heard the reassuring sounds of feet shuffling closer and could feel her presence beyond the slender barrier of wood. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Anguish bounced rapidly around in his body. “Please, Emilie. I’m so incredibly sorry.”

A halting exhale came from the other side of the door and what sounded like her leaning against it.

Colin tried again. “Please? Just for a moment?”

The noise of weight shifting off the door and then the click of a deadbolt opening had never sounded so magnificent.

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