Page 69 of My Heart Before You

“I should go.”

She couldn’t go back to where they’d been only a moment ago, not with the pressure pushing against her spine, but the thought of Colin walking out her door made her chest hurt more than normal.

“Would it be too much if I asked you to stay?”

“No.” He kissed her forehead with such tenderness then handed her shirt to her.

Bending to pick his scrub top off the floor, he pulled it over his head. She eased herself off the island and led him to her loveseat. Colin sat and stretched out his arms to her, simply holding her to his strong frame.

Emilie let her face relax against the soft fabric at his shoulder as her hand rested over his heart. The steady beat under her palm and his calming breaths quickly soothed the tension she always felt after talking about her past. That connection, that complete sensation of rightness whenever she was with Colin, flowed through her body as the ticking of the new clock she’d put over the mantle quietly counted off seconds of time.

?Chapter 26?

Before long Emilie was asleep on his shoulder, but he stayed on the couch for a long time, working through what she’d told him. Though he’d witnessed his father lose his mother, Colin couldn’t imagine losing both your husband and child in one unexpected, horrific sweep. Even over the short few months that he’d spent with Owen at dinners with Max and Kate, the small redheaded boy already held a chubby fist around his heart. Living through the pain of losing your own child seemed incomprehensible, but that was exactly what Emilie was doing every day.

An involuntary shudder ran down his spine, and she stirred slightly with his movement. He held incredibly still, and her soft breathing eventually leveled. Slowly and carefully lifting his arm, he gently stroked the hair away from her freckled face. She was so unbelievably gorgeous, even drooling a little bit on his scrub top.

He could have easily spent the night with her on his shoulder but knew that she’d probably sleep better in her own bed. Shifting in gradual degrees, he lifted her and carefully carried her to the bedroom. He managed to get her under the covers without waking her and leaned in to place a light kiss to her crown.

Colin whispered his truth to her sleeping form, what he almost told her twice that day. “I love you, Emilie.”

Walking to the doorway, he heard her twist in the bedsheet before her groggy voice replied, “I love you too, Braden.”

His head snapped over his shoulder, seeing her asleep, the words coming from her unconscious mind. Suddenly, all the happiness that flowed through his body abated. A squeezing pain replaced it, gripping him like he’d been punched hard in the gut. His throat tightened, and he swallowed over the excess saliva in his mouth.

This wasn’t going to happen.

It didn’t matter that he loved Emilie.

She could never love him because she still loved her husband.

Walking to the kitchen, he picked his white coat up from the floor and left, closing the door quietly behind him. Before he knew what his body was doing, his legs were pounding down the stairs and sprinting through the freezing wind. The cold that slashed harshly at his body seemed warmer than the dread that had crept into his chest.

???

The next morning, Colin didn’t answer her call or call back when he was done with his office appointments. Eventually he texted her, but it was clipped, using work as an excuse. When he worked with Emilie three days later, he was professional but not warm. She texted to ask if he was okay and he ignored it.

After his surgeries today, he strode onto the unit filled with anxiety that he would have to see her again, but relaxed when her name wasn’t on the board. A second after he arrived at the charting area outside his patient’s room, a flash of bright blue streaked out of the room and aggressively punched him in the arm.

“What the . . .” He looked up to see Ashley’s eyes glaring into his own.

Before anything else could be said, she grabbed his ear like a mother with a petulant child and dragged him across the hall to the staff lounge. It was surprisingly easy for her. Although she was thin, she was easily six feet tall, and apparently a force to be reckoned with when angry.

Throwing the door open, she hissed “Out!” to the two nurse aides that were sitting in chairs, and they scurried faster than cockroaches in a light exposed room. She pushed him into the room, blocking the door with her body. Colin opened his mouth to speak, but she closed the space between them with a single step and punched him in the same arm again.

“You’re being an asshole!” Ashley’s words crescendoed as if she was having trouble trying to control the volume of her voice. “I should know, Ispecializein assholes. They flock to me like moths to a flame, and I have seen every different variety there is. But you . . .” She pointed a shaking finger at him. “. . . are not an asshole, Dr. Abernan. So why are you acting like one?”

He waited a breath, unsure if she was going to yell or punch him again before defending himself. “I’m not being an asshole.”

Wrong answer. She hit him again. His arm was starting to get sore.

“Itoldyou to be careful with her. Itoldyou, and now you’re not answering her calls or texts and being cold to her at work. She bares her soul to you, and you respond with silence? Youarebeing an asshole!” She jabbed her hands on her hips.

Colin felt his forearms flex as his jaw tightened. “She still loves him, Ashley. She said so in her sleep. She saidhis namein her sleep. She still loves him and where does that leave me?” His arms swept open. “Huh? There’s no room for me in her heart. It’s already full.”

She made an exasperated sound and flung both her hands up. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Of course she still loves him. She probably always will, and she will love that sweet baby girl until her last breath, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you too.”

“What are you saying?” he asked cautiously.

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