Page 26 of My Heart Before You

“Cauliflower Dove!” Ash butchered the lyric at the top of her lungs followed bydern nert nert nert nertas she mimicked the rhythm of “California Love” with nonsense words.

Emilie laughed and then shushed her inebriated friend as the elevator doors opened. Ash tossed her keys with a “Here ya go” as they walked down the hall. Lurching into her condo as soon as the door was opened, Ash kicked one teal ankle boot off in the entry and another in the kitchen.

Emilie directed her shoeless friend to the bedroom and pulled back the covers. “Hop in bed and let’s sober up a bit before you go to sleep.”

Ash flopped into her bed, sat against the headboard, and pulled the blankets to the armpits of her nude, sleeveless mini-dress before giving a sloppy salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

When she returned with a glass of water from the kitchen, Ash had only slipped down in the bed a little bit.

“Emilie! How did you know I love water?” She took a big gulp and ungracefully wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “It’s soooooo good.”

Another chuckle burst from her lips. “Yeah, water is wonderful. Sleep is also wonderful, and you’ll be doing that as soon as you finish a couple more glasses.”

“Please, may I have another?” Ash giggled.

Emilie took the now empty glass and refilled it in the adjoining bathroom sink before returning it to her friend’s outstretched hands.

“Thank you for everything tonight. You . . .” Her friend pointed emphatically while chugging another glass of water. “Youare the best. I had so much fun tonight. Best birthday ever!”

A grin lifted her mouth as Ash hiccupped. “I had a great time too.”

When the group of screaming twenty-somethings in long coats, bare legs, and clicking heels quickly engulfed Ash’s body at the start of the night, Emilie wasn’t sure she’d have a good time. But it ended up being the perfect thing to take her mind off being sexually harassed at work and the odd connection she felt with Colin in the hall that had her brain spinning circles the rest of her shift.

As soon as the throng of women had entered Kitty O’Sheas for ‘90s Night and a thick baseline thrummed into their chests, she did something out of character and ordered shots for all of Ash’s friends. When the parroting of “Happy Birthday, Ash!” caused cheers from everyone around them, Ash’s delighted face made any nerves she had over the evening completely worth it.

“Really? Did you? I wanted you to have a good time.” Her friend’s hand dipped, but she quickly regained control of the glass before setting it on the nightstand.

She felt her grin widen. “Really.”

“Okay, good.” Ash tugged her pink sparkly “Birthday Girl” sash over her head and set it on the bedspread. “I don’t know what happened, but I know I want you to be happy.”

When Ash lifted her arm, Emilie saw the tattoo for the second time. The first time was when they were dancing in an unspokenly declared girl’s only dance-circle as “Jump Around” blared from the huge speaker. When all the women raised their hands and jumped, Emilie had spotted a small semicolon tattooed on the upper inside of Ash’s right arm. Though her body had gone right on jumping, mentally, everything had slowed down and froze.

“Do you want to tell me?” Ash’s soft voice pulled her from her memory.

Emilie looked up to find that this wasn’t a drunken question.

Reflexively, her shoulders tensed immediately, but her mind wearily urged,Tell her. She’ll understand.

Silence filled the room for several weighted seconds.

“I was a wife and mother.”

The minute her words were out of her mouth, her heart slammed in her chest, and she had to take a deep breath to calm the tight compression she already felt around her ribs.

Ash sat up straighter in the bed, but said nothing.

“My husband’s name was Braden. He was a police officer who patrolled the area near the hospital where I worked. We met when he brought a patient in the ER. I was an emergency nurse before I worked here.” She swallowed against the thick saliva in her throat. “After we met, he started stopping by the hospital just to visit on days I was working. One time he even brought the ER staff donuts. Everyone had a good laugh at the irony of that.” She allowed herself a tiny grin at the memory.

Her husband’s face flashed before her eyes. His smile had been the first thing she’d noticed about him—perfect glistening white teeth and how his smile showed in his dark eyes. He was always finding the upside in a situation and helping others with his good sense of humor. People were almost instantly at ease with him, even when he was in uniform. His patrol partner used to jokingly call Braden “the whisperer” because he could talk almost anyone down to reason.

“We started dating. Seeing each other as much as our two crazy schedules would allow. My family loved him. Everyone loved him. After two years, he asked me to marry him. We had a long engagement and lived together in a little townhouse by the beach.”

A familiar memory played of her stepping on the small balcony, the cool morning sea air combing through her hair as she stared out onto a peaceful morning ocean. The first rays of sunlight barely peeking over the top of the sharp line of sea above which pink blended with coral while blue wisped with white. A hot clay mug warmed her hands as Braden’s strong arms wrapped around her waist. She leaned back into his solid chest, smelling the salt of the ocean, the bitter aroma of the coffee, and the sweet scent of him.

Emilie drew her arms around herself. “We didn’t start trying for kids right away. Our jobs were so chaotic, and we knew we’d have to slow things down. A year after my sister had her son, we decided to start trying casually. We loved being an aunt and uncle and spending time with our nephew made us talk about starting our own family. We didn’t really worry about it when it took a while, and eventually we found out we were pregnant a few months after my sister announced they were having their second.”

Unlike her sister who seemed to be the magical unicorn of pregnancies, she had a very hard first trimester being pregnant. She’d been nauseated every day and often didn’t want to eat. It wasn’t until late in the second trimester when she began feeling better that she understood the joy of being pregnant.

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