Page 27 of My Heart Before You

The look on Braden’s face as he gently laid his hands on her naked belly and felt their daughter kick for the first time was perpetually etched in her heart. She’d laid her own hands over his and pressed to deepen the contact with his daughter’s strong feet inside her. Wonder and sheer joy overtook his features as she watched his eyes jolt up to meet hers before he gave her one of the best kisses of her life.

“Braden wanted to find out the sex of the baby, and my sister’s too neurotic not to know, so we found out that we were both having girls. My sister and I were so excited. We knew our children, even though they weren’t technically twins, would always have a best friend.”

At their joint baby shower, their mom had covered the entire ceiling of the living room with a draping crosshatch of pink streamers. She’d set two wingback chairs together for them to preside over the festivities like two swollen queens. Analie was almost bursting at the seams being two months ahead. They drank sparkling pink lemonade and ate tiny vanilla petit fours and bathed in the happiness of their lives at that moment.

An involuntary shudder tingled down Emilie’s spine. If only she’d known. She’d been so blissfully, stupidly unaware that anything was going to happen. Tears pricked her eyes, and tension gathered at her temples as an invisible hand pressed down on her chest, making her breathing shallow.

When she spoke again, she moved her arms to hug her flat belly. “Lucy was born a day late, March 24th. She was a beautiful baby who stubbornly refused to come out, though I pushed for hours, ending us both in an emergency c-section.

“I wasn’t prepared for the love I felt for her. I was overcome by this serene peace of being her mother and my absolute unwavering love for her. All the pain and stress of the delivery washed away the first time I held her. It’s so strange because you love your husband so much, but the love for a child is truly indescribable. Braden felt the same way. He was completely smitten with her.”

She’d been surprised at how completely confident she felt at holding and nursing this new baby like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her daughter's miniscule wrinkled fingers gripping and releasing air as she nursed contentedly, her lips and nose flared. Braden standing over her shoulder, kissing her hair, telling her she was the best mother.

He’d taken to fathering just as easily, getting up every time Lucy cried, changing her and bringing her to bed so she could nurse her. His broad shoulders swayed back and forth on the monitor screen as he sang to their daughter before placing her so gently back into her crib for a few hours rest.

Liquid fell from Emilie’s cheeks and hit her wrapped arms. “She was such a good baby, and we were so completely happy to be a family together.” She glanced up, finding Ash silently listening with moist eyes.

She trembled as she felt her neck tighten against her words. “When Lucy was eleven weeks old, I went to meet with my manager about my schedule since I had one week before I was to come back part time.”

A tight breath filled her lungs. She swallowed against the bitter taste in her mouth and forced her strained voice to say the words.

“Braden had taken Lucy with him to the grocery store to pick up a few things. They were driving home midday when a powerline repair truck crossed over the double yellow line and hit Braden’s car head on.” A choked sound escaped her mouth. “The driver was drunk on the job.”

“They brought them to my ER. I was sitting in the office when the charge ran in and told my manager to keep me in there. I took one look at her face and Iknew. I just knew. I ran to the trauma bay and found Braden open and broken, ten people working hard to save him.”

The trauma bay had been a blur of yellow protective coats yelling commands, answers, and numbers to each other. What normally would have been something she knew as familiar and routine, suddenly she saw for what it was, grotesque and tentative. Clear plastic tubes spilled from the bed connecting to a variety of different machines. The oxygen canister hissed as blood poured from what seemed like an innumerable amount of wounds. A cacophony of electric and human sounds pierced her ears like a stabbing ice pick. Her eyes fixed on Braden’s dangling, limp hand bouncing with the effort of each pounding chest compression.

Hard tears streamed down Emilie’s face, as she stared at the awful picture in her head. “I kept trying to get to him. Three people had to hold me back. I screamed and screamed. They went round after round. Longer than they should have because I was there and who he was, but he was gone.”

She felt a shift in the bed as Ask spoke through her own sob. “Lucy?”

“She died on impact. Her infant seat couldn’t save her small body from the accident.”

In a swift flow of movement, she found herself encased in Ash’s arms, her tears staining the sequined fabric of her friend’s party dress. Wrapped in her friend’s embrace, she surrendered to the heaviness she felt. They sat there for a long time, Ash’s lengthy limbs supporting and rocking her as she cried.

Eventually when she calmed, Ash released her from the comforting bind and sat beside her on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back. “Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

She felt her head bob in agreement but didn’t remember telling her muscles to do so. All she wanted to do now was to lie down.

Ash carefully stood and went to her dresser. “Here are some comfys. Why don’t you change, and we’ll just bunk up for the night?”

Taking the outstretched clothes, she silently went through the process of getting ready for bed.

Once they were settled, Ash reached for the light, then stopped and turned to her. “If you ever need to talk about it again, or need me to take a shift if you're having a hard day, or literally anything . . . I want you to know that I’m here for you.”

Words were beyond her, but she found herself nodding.

Ash’s green eyes watched hers for a moment. “Okay.” She turned off the lamp, and they laid in the silence.

The soft sound of her friend’s even breaths soon followed, but Emilie knew from experience that she wasn’t sleeping tonight.

?Chapter 12?

The unrelenting wind of the Gloucester beach whipped at Colin’s face and hair, cold seeping through his jeans from the chilled sand. He interwove his hands over his knees and leaned back to soak in what little sunlight was permitted through the extensive network of grey stratus clouds. Being as frigid as it was, he was the only one on the beach save an elderly couple walking fifty yards away with their dog at the water's edge.

“I miss you, Dad.” A long ragged exhale left his body. “I miss you both.”

The memory of the last time Colin had been to the ocean washed over him.

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