Page 60 of Crave

I may work for the mafia, yet it’s still a desk job. “I’m not sure. I might take a rain check on that one.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Mila moves closer to Nikolai, who’s gaze never wavers.

I shift uncomfortably. Their new wedding rings seem to glow under the lights.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

Usually being this close to Alexei is merely a comfort. But after yesterday, I’m extremely aware of how close he is.

So when he steps away, I notice.

He can come and go as he pleases, and no one seems to judge him for it. There’s no pattern with him, just spontaneity.

I’m a little jealous that he can just leave a situation.

Screw it. I almost died. There should be an allowance for that.

Following him outside, I find him leaning against his bike.

He doesn’t look at me, or even acknowledge my presence.

“I’ll take you home,” he says without turning.

“Thank you.”

Without another word, I climb on his bike behind him, and we disappear into the night.

CHAPTER 25

ALEXEI

Song- Silence, Marshmello, Khalid

Havingher arms wrapped around me is different now.

I know what it’s like to hold her close and taste her lips.

It’s all I can think about.

The wild part is that this is the first time I’ve ever held back on anything. I’m too used to giving in to whatever whim strikes me, with no fear of the consequences.

But I know there are very real ones with her.

She’s the most important thing in my life. My entire purpose for living.

I don’t want to drive her away, or ruin what we have.

I saw her at Nikolai’s. The pain that flickered over her face when Elena turned away. How she chewed on her lip and picked at her thumb when she thought no one would notice.

She was wrong. I always see her.

It’s as if she’s the only light in the room. She’s my focus.

I can see how broken she is.

And I fear crossing this boundary will make it worse, for everyone. I left last night because my head is fucked.

I’m not usually one to sit and think, but as soon as Niki and Miki left, that’s what I did. I ignore the voices in my head, yet when it comes to Lara, they’re screaming at me.

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