Page 44 of Stuck in Paradise with You

At last, the boat is moving alongside me. Henry tosses me a life ring and, though I feel like a total ass, I hook my arms over it and let him drag?—

‘Arghhhhhh! What the hell was that?’ I let go of the ring as a burning sensation like fire blazes across my thigh, up my shorts and around my waist where my T-shirt has come up in the water.

I’m thrashing around, frantically trying to work out why I feel like I’ve fallen into a raging inferno, when I see tentacles. Hundreds. No,thousands, of tentacles and the balloon-esque body of a?—

‘Shit, shit, shit. It’s a jellyfish!’ I scream. ‘It’s a fucking jellyfish!’

Jesus. Jesus.I literally just watched the ten deadliest jellyfish stings in the world on YouTube. ‘Henry! Carrie! Help me! Help! I’ve been stung!’

Carrie starts yelling something incomprehensible. Even she, ice-queen, Managing Director of Ghost Your Ex LLC, is afraid for me.

And Henry is…laughing?

Correction: doubled-over laughing. ‘It’s just a bog-standard jellyfish, mate, not a killer. Here…’ He tosses me the life ring again and though the pain is searing on my skin, I’m distracted enough by wanting to pinch Henry’s nipplesso hardbetween my fingers and twist until he squeals like a piglet that I’m rendered capable of hanging on to the life ring and I think,maybeI won’t die today.

Henry and Carrie make their way down to the swim platforms at the back of the boat, now stationary, and they both help me out of the water.

Tears are filling my eyes. The pain is worse than being punched full force in the nuts.

Henry leaves to go somewhere, probably to split his sides laughing at me some more, leaving only Carrie and me, and damn it, all I can do is beg her… ‘Carrie, do something. It’s agony. Help me.’

I’m trying my best not to cry. Really. Truly. It’sthatexcruciating.

Carrie holds out her hands. ‘I don’t know what to do, Luke.’ She looks around but there are no staff coming to my rescue. ‘What can I do?’

That’s when it comes to me. ‘You’re going to have to pee on me,’ I tell her.

She folds her arms across her chest. She’s standing over me, where I’m on my knees on the swim platform. ‘I outright refuse to pee on you.’

‘Carrie, you can go immediately back to hating on me but, please, I’m begging you. Pee on me.’

‘I—’ Her conviction is wavering, thank heavens. ‘If,ifI do this, how am I even going to pee on your leg and hip?’

I roll up the leg of my shorts and lift up my T-shirt, coming to lie on my side. ‘You’ll just have to squat.Please.’

‘What, like this, do you think?’ She squats across me, one leg either side of my hip, sincerely trying to figure this out. ‘Luke, I can’t, it’s too disgusting.’

‘No, thispainis disgusting, Carrie. Come on.’

‘Are you sure it’s that bad? You would rather be peed on than just… suck it up.’

I glower at her. ‘Youcan’t feel it. And it’s your fault this happened!’

Still squatting over me, she points at my face. ‘Don’t blame me for your idiocy.’

‘Myidiocy?’

‘Yes. Imagine what Alisha would have thought if she’d seen that move you pulled.’

‘Carrie, I’m not with Alisha.’

She stands, her legs still either side of my body.

‘You’re not?’

It seems like so many thoughts and emotions wash over her face. I wonder how she feels – bad, embarrassed, like she should just?—

‘Would you stop gawping and just freaking pee on me?’

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