Page 45 of Reluctantly You

I shake my head with a scowl. I shouldn’t be thinking of him at all.

Max’s phone buzzes and he grins down at it. “That’s Beau. We should head back. Dinner’s almost ready.” He turns toward me. “Hope you like ravioli. Coop and Beau have been working on making them since this morning.”

My stomach rumbles at the thought. “Yeah, it sounds good.”

“Right, give me a second. Gotta round up the kid.”

He jogs toward Doggo, and Matt and I watch while he tries to leash him, getting his pants slightly wet in the process.

“I really am sorry,” Matt says after a few seconds of silence.

“Me too. I—” I don’t even know what to say. “I’m just glad I’m here.”

“Same,” Matt says and then puts his arm around my shoulders once more and leads me toward the loft where he lives. I’ve been here before, having followed him into the lobby when I saw him with another man. I saw the way they looked at one another that night. I knew then that Matt was able to do what I’ve never been able to.

That he was able to be with another man, openly. To love one.

“You know what’s funny, I went to a club with Coop a while back, and I swore I thought I saw you there. Crazy, right?”

My heart thuds in my chest, and I feel my skin grow hot.

“Yeah, fucking nuts.”

“Shit, I’m going to have to change,” Max interrupts as Doggo shakes his fur out. Matt laughs, sounding so fucking happy in this moment.

How the hell do I end up like that? Is that even possible for me? With all the shit that’s gone down recently, I don’t know if it is. I don’t know if I can change. I don’t know if I’m meant to be happy like that.

Maybe my karma in life is that I pay for being an asshole.

“I have some clothes you can borrow,” Matt says and then leads us into an upscale lobby, a doorman greeting him by name. Max seems comfortable with all of it, indicating he’s been here often while I’ve been left out, uninvited and alone.

It makes me simultaneously angry and hurt, my emotions roiling inside of me like the waves outside. Brooding and ugly. A red-and-purple haze filters through my vision as Matt presses a button and scans a keycard. Moments later, we’re moving up in a sleek elevator, exiting into a beautiful space that overlooks the ocean.

Yeah, I knew it, but this solidifies all of it. Matt’s husband has money.

We round the corner and I see Beau and Coop in the kitchen, both wearing aprons and smiling at one another. The scent of Italian spices fills the room, and I feel my stomach growl once more.

“Oh, you guys look windswept,” Coop says and then leans forward and presses a kiss to Matt’s cheek. “Did you get any seashells?”

Matt’s cheeks flush red as he murmurs “no”and his fingers thread through Coop’s auburn hair as he pulls him in for a deep kiss.

I glance away as Beau pulls Max into a hug, nuzzling into his neck.

This all makes my stomach churn uncomfortably. I don’t want to see this. I can’t fucking see this.

Is it really this easy? How do they make it look so fucking easy?

“Coop, you’ve met Mitch, our oldest brother,” Matt says, and I give him a small nod.

“Yeah, we’ve met.”

Coop grins at me, his lips slightly red from the kiss Matt planted on his mouth, but I force my gaze away once more.

“And this is Beau,” Max says.

“Nice to meet you,” I reply, doing my best to smile and not sneer. I don’t want to offend them, don’t want to do the wrong thing. I’m trying really fucking hard right now, and I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams.

“Do you guys want a drink? I have some very good wine for the occasion. But we also have beer, water, soda. I have all sorts of things?—”

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