Page 80 of Breathing Without You

“Man, I don't know if I can do this.” I say as he opens his car door.

“Do what?” He raises his eyebrow, confused since he just got here.

“Emerald is here. She was supposed to be off today.” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against my truck.

“Fuck, wanna skip the diner today then? Maybe she picked up an extra shift.” He says as he shuts his car door.

“Nah, I’ll be fine I just don’t want to make it awkward for her, ya know?” I shrug, feeling bad that I’m about to walk through the diner door. I’m good at putting on a show, I know it’ll kill her if I act okay, but I can’t show her that I’m hurt.

“Ya I get it, but it’s a small town, you guys can’t avoid each other forever if you aren’t going to be together anymore.” He isn’t saying it in a dick way either, he’s just speaking the truth because that’s just how our town works.

“Ya those were my thoughts exactly, gonna have to get used to seeing each other still even if we’re not ready.”

My heart sinks as I walk through the door and she’s one of the first people I see, we make brief eye contact before she looks away. I can see the tears forming in her eyes and I look down trying to stop my own tears from forming, I can’t believe she affects me this way. Seeing her going through a heartbreak that’s caused by me breaks my heart even more. Fuck maybe this was a bad idea. She rushes off to the back room, so fast she’s almost running and my heart hurts. It feels heavy and empty at the same time. I’d give anything to go and hug her. But I can’t. Not anytime soon.

28

EMERALD

I rushoff to the back room, he was the last person I was expecting to see for the second time today. I knew he was working today so I didn't think he’d be coming in here at all. It killed me this morning when I saw him in the driveway. I was already crying to begin with, then seeing him made it worse. It almost made me have a panic attack thinking about the fact that I'll never get to feel his hugs again or kiss his lips. I'll never get to hear his voice tell me he loves me or call me Sugar and it made my already bad anxiety worse and made it hard to breathe. My chest hurt from the pain of it all, my body was shaking I thought I was going to pass out.

Then looking up at the door and seeing how handsome he looks in his dark washed jeans, his light-blue T-shirt that formed to his sexy muscles. His tattoos showing on his arms and hands. I would’ve done anything to run towards him, jump into his arms and hug him. Not run away and cry because I’m fucking breaking right now.

“Sweetie, are you okay?” I hear Lisa open the door and walk into the breakroom talking to me.

“Fuck, this sucks, sorry for swearing but no, I mean I’ll be ok in a minute. But fuck, Creedence and I broke up,” I tell her right as Stacy walks into the back room.

“Hey Lisa, someone’s–” She pauses. “Wait, you guys broke up?” She smiles. What. A. Fucking. Cunt. I can’t stand Stacy and the bitch she is.

“Tell them I’ll be right there, this is none of your business, Stacy, please leave,” she tells her with a mad look on her face.

“Oh sweetie.” She hugs me tightly. “I’m so sorry, do you want to talk about it?” She starts rubbing my back gently.

“I appreciate it but if I start talking about it now, I won’t be able to stop crying,” I tell her, wiping away the rest of my tears and taking a deep breath and holding it for a second before slowly letting it out. Trying to calm my anxiety down. That seems to be my new thing, deep breathing to calm myself down and talk my body out of a panic attack.

“Okay, I’m ready to go back out now,” I tell her while I’m calm before the tears start coming again.

“Are you sure? You can take a few minutes if you need to.” She gives me one more hug.

“Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate it. I’ll let you know if I do end up needing a minute. But right now, I think I’m good.” I tell her as she starts walking towards the break room door.

“That’s fine sweetie, just let me know.” She walks out the break room and I’m left alone to take a couple deep breaths by myself for a minute. Hopefully by the time I come out Creedence and Carsten will be seated already, and I won’t have to talk with them. Not that I want to ignore Carsten since he’s my best friend's fiancé, but right now I don’t really want to get into a conversation with him, especially since he’s with Creed. I take a couple more deep breaths and walk out the door of the break room right as Stacy is talking with Carsten and Creedence.Fucking fuck. Right as I’m about to walk away so I don’t have to talk to Carsten, Stacy starts saying my name.

“Oh, look who it is Emerald, your boyfriends here,” Stacy laughs. “Oh wait, I mean your ex-boyfriend is here.” Her tone is bitchy with a nasty smirk on her face. “Because I forgot he doesn’t want you anymore…which I don’t blame him at all. Who would want…that?” Her smile gets bigger as she points at me moving her finger up and down. Is she fucking serious right now? My face is bright red because not only did she say that to me, but she also said it in front of Creedence. And any other customer waiting in line to be seated and all the people around us could hear her clear as day. I can’t believe her. I don’t even say anything as tears well up in my eyes and I rush back into the break room. Fuck her and fuck this job right now.

Lisa comes rushing in behind me, the same time I hear Creedence say, “You don’t have to be such a fucking bitch to her Stacy, you know damn well she’s going through a hard time right now.” And then the door shuts so I don’t get to hear anything else before Lisa comes rushing over to me.

“Oh sweetie, are you okay? I heard what she said to you. I’m not going to let her get away with it either. I just wanted to get to you first.”

I’m a sobbing mess and can’t even talk, I’m on the verge of hyperventilating and my head is still all fucked up from all the alcohol I drank last night. I’m still pretty hung over and it’s well into the afternoon. The crying is only intensifying my pounding headache. I knew I shouldn’t have picked up any extra shifts today, but I needed to keep my mind busy, and I figured getting out of the house would be my best option instead of being drunk all day. But I’m thinking being drunk would have been the better option.

“I just don’t think I can do this, I just… I just don’t want to be without him,” I cry out, spit flying out of my mouth from how hard I’m crying.

“Oh honey, it’s gonna work itself out, I know it will. You guys are meant to be together. I have never seen Creedence so in love before, I don’t know what happened, but I know it’ll blow over.” She puts her arm around me as she sits down next to me on the bench in the break room. I want to tell her she has no idea what she's talking about because he broke up with me and doesn't want me anymore, even fucking Stacy can see he doesn't want me anymore. But I don’t want to come off as a bitch to her because I'm not trying to be bitchy.

“Do you care if I go home?” I frown. “I know when you called, I said I was fine working the extra shift today but I don’t know if I’m okay anymore.” I hiccup, wiping my tears with both hands.

“Of course, you don’t have to explain yourself. I know what you’re going through is a lot right now. I completely understand, sweetie.” She pats my back again with a sweet smile on her face.

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