Page 81 of Breathing Without You

“Thank you so much, Lisa, I truly appreciate it,” I tell her, pulling my apron off.

“I’ll take care of the rest of your tables and whatever tips you get from them I’ll put in your locker. I have a key and don’t argue with me about not taking them.” She laughs a little, lightening the mood.

“Lisa, I’m not going to take them when I barely did anything today. You can have them,” I tell her, putting my apron in my locker.

“Whatever you say, sweetie. Whatever you say.” And I know that’s her way of arguing with me, telling me she’s not going to listen. But I’ll just give her back the money either way.

“You go home and take care of yourself, take a few days off. I’ll text you to see if you’re ready to come back in, in a couple days, okay?” she tells me instead of asking because she knows I’llargue with her about that too. She walks out of the break room as I finish putting my stuff away.

I grab my purse and phone, rushing out of the room.

Then I walk out of the break room and over to the computer to check out real quick. Then I head past the front counter, looking down in the process so I don’t have to look at anyone as I walk out the door. I take a deep breath of fresh air when I get outside and close my eyes standing there for a minute just taking deep breath after deep breath to calm down this ache in my heart and the chest pains from my anxiety. After that I walk over to the side of the building and sit down on a bench. I need a minute before I go to my car. Then I look down at my phone, not really sure what to do with it since I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I feel so alone and sad right now. I wish I had Creedence here to hug right now. But I need to start getting over it because he’s not gonna be here anymore. I hear someone clear their throat and look up to see Creedence standing there. Fuck. What else could he want; he already broke my heart, did he come here to yell at me some more? I don’t even bother talking. I just look back down at my phone and act like he’s not there.

“Sorry I thought you left,” he says, looking over in my direction. He sounds and looks sad, but I still don’t say anything, I don't think I can without breaking down.

“I’m sorry for what Stacy said to you.” Wow he’s sorry about that but not about what he fucking said to me last night. I still don’t respond. He doesn’t deserve my response honestly and like I said if I open my mouth to even try to talk to him, I’m going to break down and cry and I won’t give him that. He doesn’t deserve to see my heartache or what he did to me, right now I'm trying to be strong and show him I’m not phased.

“None of it was true, and I felt like you needed to hear that.” I don’t even bother looking back up at him. I grab my stuff and stand up to go walk to my car. I need to get away from him andcry some more. But I need to cry alone, not in front of him, he doesn’t deserve to see any more of my tears.

I can’t believe he just went over there and started talking to me like nothing even happened between us. How was he able to talk without being affected at all? He sounded a little sad but not as sad as he should be for someone who was in love, unless he was putting on a good show to not show me how hurt he is.

I unlock my car door, getting in and starting the ignition. I drive home in silence, besides crying that’s the only sound in my car. I’m too sad to listen to any kind of music and I probably wouldn’t even be able to hear it over my crying anyways.

I pull into my driveway and wipe away my tears. I have a bottle of cherry vodka and some wine waiting for me inside along with a hot bath, then after I think I’m going to watch some crime shows. It’s been a while since I’ve watched one of those and I need a good distraction, and why not watch something about crime and creepy stuff instead of something sad that’ll make me cry.

I walk up to my front stairs and sit down; I need to text Chastity to kind of fill her in on everything and to see if we’re still going to the party Friday. I’m still up in the air about going, especially now that I’ll be going alone and single. But Winter told me I didn’t have a choice.

Emerald

Hey bitch.

Chastity

Hey bitch, whats up hoe?

Emerald

Nothin really. Creedence and I broke up…

Chastity

Fuckkk babe I’m so sorry. I want to ask if you’re ok but I know you’re not.

Emerald

It’s ok babe. I appreciate it.

Chastity

Well then you definitely need to come out to that party Friday.

Chastity

LETS GET FUCKED UP BITCHHHHHH!!!!!

Emerald

That's another reason why I was texting you to see if you were still going.

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