Page 68 of Attraction & Repulsion

“Nice, Beau,” Wyatt spat.

“Way to be an ass,” Billy mumbled.

“No, please,” Carson pleaded. “It’s really okay. You guys were going to learn about it at some point anyway.”

“Beau could have been more tactful about it though,” Billy argued, as though his brother wasn’t sitting at the table with them.

“Carson.” It was Shirley who spoke. “We are so sorry to hear about your family.” Then her eyes glanced at Jax behind her. “Jax, why don’t you and Carson excuse yourselves from dinner. I’ll bring a piece of cobbler to y’all out on the front porch.”

Without a word Jax pushed his chair back and stood up, giving one more scowl toward his older brother.

Beau hunched forward, looking smaller than normal. “I’m really sorry,” he said solemnly.

“Please don’t be sorry,” Carson assured him. “I apologize if I ruined Christmas dinner.”

Before she stood up, Marlo caught her hand and squeezed. “Nothing is ruined. Thank you for being comfortable enough to share with us.”

Carson sat on her hands, using her foot to push the porch swing back and forth. It was the first time since arriving in the Lone Star State that she’d felt cold. Now she wished she’d snagged the throw blanket from the back of the couch before going outside. One of the concrete statues, an armadillo with a cowboy hat on its head, had its beady eyes trained on her. She imagined it slinging an old revolver at her.

Jax was pacing back and forth, his hands on his hips. Then he stopped to lean over the railing and stare down at the bushes. Finally, he stood straight and folded his arms, looking out into the dark. The Christmas lights colored his dark hair with reds, greens, blues, and yellows.

“Can we talk about it?” she offered, hesitantly.

He whirled around, his hair spilling across his forehead. “I’m using all my self-discipline right now to not go in and punch my brother in the face.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jax.”

His hand motioned to the front door. “He just made you tell everyone about Luke and your son. You were forced to reveal that in front of everyone.”

“He didn’t make me do anything,” Carson said, a little annoyed.

Jax’s head fell to the side as if saying,Yeah, right.

“Really,” she insisted. “Everyone was talking about having kids, and I was asked a question. It was something I needed to tell you anyway, but I never knew how to bring it up. Beau gave me the opportunity.”

“That’s the other thing, Carson,” Jax said, his voice rough with frustration. “You didn’t tell me.Me. I had to hear it along with everyone else.”

Carson’s rocking came to an abrupt halt. Dave had warned her aboutconsequences.

“You got upset with me when I hid the fact that I was at your accident,” he continued. “Now, you’ve done it to me. Do you know how that makes me feel?” The anger and hurt was evident on his face and in his voice.

“I didn’t mean to hide it from you,” Carson said, the words spilling from her mouth. “I didn’t know how to tell you that I couldn’t bear your children.”

Those words made his eyes catch fire the way they always did when he was full of emotion. Except this time they appeared black instead of blue. Harsh instead of soft.

“I don’t give a damn about that,” Jax growled. “What if I’m unable to have kids myself? What I’m upset about is you not telling me. We’ve been together for months. We’ve shared the same bed. We’ve been through so much together. Hell, we’re talking about ourfuturetogether.”

Consequences.

Carson had messed up. Never had Jax been this animated before, this agitated over the things she had said and done. Not even about Beau or Kristen. If only she could pull the Christmas lights down and wrap them around her neck.

Blowing out air, Jax sat down beside her, the swing protesting from the added weight. “You continue to not trust me. Like you think I’m this terrible person who can’t support you while you work through your past. I’ve told you my secrets, Carson. I deserve the same from you.”

A faint memory floated in her mind. During their first official date, as she sat in the middle of Barry’s Burgers and Shakes, she had wondered what a relationship full of secrets would look like. This. This was what it looked like.

“I don’t think you’re a horrible person. Actually, I think the exactopposite.” Then Carson chose her next words deliberately. “I don’t want you to give up being a dad for me. I knew the moment you found out you would be okay with not having children of your own. But I can’t do that to you. I see the way you play with the twins and how you hold Elizabeth as if she is your own. I watched your face light up when Raegan said she was pregnant. You want children.”

Even though Jax’s nostrils flared, he didn’t speak. Carson was right and he knew it.

---