Page 62 of Hello Kitten

If she gets any worse, we will.The last thing she needs is her parents knowing about what she does on weekends. Just relax and she’ll call you tomorrow. Get some sleep.

Beth is too good of a friend to have to deal with this. Guilt rolls in my stomach and I get through a shower to try and copewith it. I keep the water freezing, shivering and fighting myself even though I want to leave it.

I was stupid and I want to be punished. I want to make myself suffer. It would be better if my friends were angry at me and not babying me with my favorite iced coffee and French toast. I shudder and wrap my arms around myself as I think of how bad it could have been.

The position my friends would have been in if I had danced with Sean instead of them. I could have been in so much more trouble. Really,reallybad trouble.

Scrubbing myself until my skin is pink and angry doesn’t help. Washing my hair, brushing my teeth, dressing in my most oversized, warmest pajamas still can’t shake me out of the funk.

The three of us do face masks, watch movies, pamper ourselves, but anytime I try to apologize, I get the same response. I’m told it’s not my fault. I was having fun, drinking—maybe a little more than I should have—but that doesn’t mean that I’m a burden or a problem.

I tell them I love them more times than I can count, how thankful I am for them, that I won’t be a problem again. By the time we’re having sushi as a late lunch, I don’t feel like I can say anything else without being too much.

They’ve already had to deal with me last night, I don’t want to chain them to me now. Danielle stands up after finishing her meal. “I do actually have to get back. I have this huge essay I have to do.”

“I do too,” Beth says. “For Dr. Hayes’ class. Em?”

“I already did it,” I say honestly.

“Okay, we’re going to go to the library. Are you okay here?” Beth asks.

I nod and Danielle heads out as Beth lingers by the door. “He’s a good guy, Em. I think you would be crazy to let him go.”

I scoff. “You don’t know what he did.”

She laughs. “From the texts I read, he didn’t do anything, and you misjudged the situation.”

“How can you say that? You don’t know everything.”

Her jaw tenses as she looks away. “True, but you love him.”

“I don’t,” I snap, but as I hear the words echo back at me, I don’t know if I can believe them.

“Perhaps, but he loves you.”

Tears sting and I shake my head. “He doesn’t.”

“Maybe you’re forgetting what he does for you, to be with you,” she says carefully and my brows draw together.

“How can you know that?” I ask, crossing my arms.

She sighs, her hand lingering on the doorknob. “Get out of your head, and just follow your heart.” She turns and leaves. Leaving me alone with my spiraling stupid thoughts as I realize she might have a point. I don’t have the best track record in dating, always finding something wrong when it becomes too serious. But do I really want to leave Adrian?

I glance at my phone. Another text from Adrian

Kitten? Are you doing better?

Pulling my knees to my chest as tears sting my eyes, I dial his number.He picks up on the second ring but doesn’t say anything. I close my eyes and take a slow breath. “You hurt me.”

“I know, kitten, and I’m so sorry. Are you alone right now?” he asks.

“I don’t want this,” I whisper.

“Let me pick you up, please, I need to see you.” His voice breaks and tears roll over my cheeks.

“Please don’t yell at me. I know how you feel about me drinking.”

“I’ll never yell at you.” He keeps his voice gentle and low. “I hate thinking about you being in trouble in a place I can’t help you. It drives me ... insane.”

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