Page 36 of Hello Kitten

When our eyes meet, he sighs. “I know what’s smart, Emily.”

“Then let’s make this easy. We’ll finish our great weekend and nothing else.”

He shakes his head slightly, the muscle in his jaw tensing. “I can’t agree to stop wanting you. I can’t agree to predicting a future where we don’t do this again.”

“Don’t say things like that,” I hiss. “It’s just sex and you know it.”

“Emily,” he says, his eyes softening.

I shake my head and walk away. I can’t do this.

Not with him.

Not at my sister’s wedding.

Not when I can’t stand looking at him as I say it.

Itisjust sex. Sure, we can tease and talk to one another easily, but plenty of people find that. Our feelings will pass and we’ll both wish we moved on before shit hits the fan.

All I’m doing is ending things before the bad smacks us around and ruins our future. I take the stairs instead of the elevator and fumble with my purse, struggling to get the key out. I end up with my phone, texting Beth a lie that everything’s fine. To soften it, I tell the truth too.

The wedding is beautiful, the guy my mom picked for me is a tool and I can’t wait to be back on campus.

She responds quickly.

Aah, I miss you too

I finally find the key. I slip it into the door, text my mother I’m not feeling well, then struggle with my dress.

I can’t reach the zipper, I’m losing my mind, hating myself, calling myself a slut, calling myself easy, calling myself a thousand things because if I don’t, I’ll want to run back to him.

I feel good when he touches me.

I feel alive and right and ... fuck, why isn’t he here right now?

Why can’t I fucking breathe!

Rather than dealing with the zipper, I wrestle out of my dress, fling it down on the bed, then take the hottest shower I can manage. I just need to scrub everything off me. Adrian gets one more night and the morning.

We’ll have an awkward drive back to his place, I’ll drop him off. He’ll walk inside without looking back.

It will sting.

I’ll mope around.

I’ll hate seeing him in class, but I’ll work hard.

I’ll focus on my studies to get over him.

I’ll move on after a month.

It will hurt when he does too since I know what the other woman will get. Then we’ll be strangers.

It’ll be that easy because I don’t care about him. All I care about is the sex. The sex is all that matters.

I’ll memorize our last night together. I’ll refuse to wake up on time in the morning, then pack, say whatever I have to, so he never wants to talk to me again.

Adrian will keep his job.

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