Page 44 of Something Old

She wiggles a little, letting me know I’m too heavy for her.

I chuckle and roll off, pulling her with me, I wrap my arm around her.

I think I’ve made it clear that I want her around now.

I think she must have got the message.

But she sighs, sharp and short.

“Please get out.” She says, cold and calm.

“What?”

“You can go now - to your own bedroom. I am going to shower and get ready for bed.”

“But - don’t you want to—”

“No. You can go.”

Her coldness is such a shock to me that for a moment I don’t respond at all. I feel frozen in place, confused and rejected.

When she pushes away from me and climbs off the bed, walking towards her bathroom, I sit up, shift to the edge of her bed and get off it.

I can’t believe she didn’t even want to lie there with me for a moment and just cuddle.

I glance towards the bathroom, but the shower is already running.

Walking back to my room I feel so empty. Rejected.

I feel like shit because tonight made me realize something that I have been denying this entire time.

I like my wife.

She’s funny, caring, enthusiastic about little things - she brightens up my day - well she used to - until I fucked everything up by being a total fucking asshole.

I flop down onto my bed. I don’t even have the energy to shower right now I feel so heavy with regret. I’m not used to all these emotions. I don’t understand what they mean.

Lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling I try to think of ways to make it up to her - to make her see I was wrong. That I really want her around.

I’ve done some serious damage to our relationship. I can’t blame her for being upset with me.

The last time I saw smile was the night she gave me that gift - fuck -that gift.I didn’t even open it.

I stand up and rush to my dresser, pulling open the bottom draw and finding the box upside down near the back. I remember I just tossed it in there as thought it was nothing.

And then I didn’t think about it again.

I am filled with curiosity to know what she got me. What gift did she think of and why? Will it be meaningful? Will it be something silly - a joke of some kind?

How could I have forgotten about it?

Why didn’t I open it on the night she gave it to me? I can’t even remember why. I think I was overwhelmed. But I didn’t open it which means I obviously never even said thank you to her for doing that for me.

I sigh, thick with regret again. I really am a fucking idiot.

I carry the black box back to my bed and sit on the edge, pulling the ribbon off and lifting the lid to peer inside.

Fuck.

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