Page 31 of Something Old

Leora

The sun is backing down on my skin as I lie on the sun lounger by the pool. Alone at home as usual, wondering where my husband is. He spends a lot of time out of the house. Especially after the night we made love. And of course, that hasn’t happened again.

At least the sun is out in full force today and I can relax and soak up the warmth on my skin. I stretch my legs out and wiggle my toes.

I’m feeling really defeated. Like I should just give up.

I’ve been trying so hard to spend time with him, to have conversations, to sit and have a coffee even - just that - in the mornings. But he makes it so difficult. He’s always rushing off somewhere or pushing me away - and it’s starting to really hurt. I still don’t understand why he’s being this way. And of course, I can’t ask him because he never has time to talk about anything - never mind serious issues.

Every single time he turns his face away from me when I try to kiss him it breaks a piece of my heart away. Cracks form and spread like an ache that I can’t ignore.

I sigh and pull my sunglasses up over the top of my head, blinking into the bright afternoon light.

I can’t keep this up for much longer.

At some point I am going to have to be honest with myself and accept that he just doesn’t like me. What would that mean though? What would it mean for me - and my life - to live with a man who doesn’t even like the sight of me?

No. Something is going on and all I have to do is try to understand it. If I can understand it, I can work out how to communicate with him.

I bite my lower lip. Dammit. My heart won’t let me just give up like that - so I won’t.

I really love him.

I was so excited when I found out that I was going to marry him - I thought the universe was giving me a gift - but now - now what am I supposed to do.

At the back of my eyes, I feel tears stinging and threatening to spill.

No. I won’t give up just yet. There must be something I can do to bring him closer to me.

“Hello.” The sing song voice drifts through the house towards me. I roll onto my side to peak around the back of the sun lounger.

“Dalila - hello.” I call out from the pool side.

“Oh, there you are.” She walks out of the house towards me. “I brought us summer treats. It’s so hot today I wanted to come over and swim, but I see you already had that idea.” She laughs,setting her things down next to the other lounger she pulls her sundress over her head, revealing her pretty pink bikini. “Nevio is swamped at work and I’ve been getting bored at home alone.” She hands me a vodka cocktail in a soda can.

“What’s this?” I ask, sitting up a little.

“Pre-made strawberry something or other. They taste amazing.” She cracks a can open for herself and sips on it.

“How have you been?” She asks as I sip mine.

“Mm. This is amazing. Thanks. I guess I’ve been ok.”

“You guess?” she eyes me over the top of her sunglasses.

“Yes, you know, it’s the whole getting bored home alone thing - and just - Masaccio in general—”

“What do you mean? Is he working too much? Do you guys not get to spend time together?”

“I don’t even think he’s working that much to be honest. I think - I think he’s just trying to get away from me.”

“Nonsense. Don’t say that.” She pouts her lower lip out a little.

“I’m not trying to be weird - I mean it. I don’t think he likes me too much.”

She sits up and turns her body towards me. “Well, why - like what is he doing or not doing to make you feel that way?”

“You know - I’ve been trying everything to connect with him. I want to spend time with him so that we can get to know each other. The other night I made us a candle lit dinner - he refused to eat it. He even looked angry about it.”

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