Page 42 of Make It Without You

“Oh yeah? Well, what do you say we continue on with a movie marathon?”

“Really?”

Nodding my head to match his enthusiasm. “Mm-hmm. Why don’t you go get your comfy clothes on and we’ll pick a movie out.”

He’s gone up to his room before I get the last word out.

Me: I heard you guys watched a movie?

Emily: Pretty sure other parents would call that lazy teaching.

Me: I call it improvising.

Emily: I’ll make that my word of the day when the kids come back to school.

Me: So you have some days off?

Emily: You could say that.

Me: What are your plans for those days?

Emily: I’m really not sure yet. I could spend Thanksgiving with my best friend and her boyfriend. Or I could head back to my parent’s house. Not sure which seems more appealing.

Me: What’s wrong with those choices?

Emily: Kam and Mason are great. But they’re still in the honeymoon phase. Going to my parents means facing them alone. And I haven’t done that in a while.

Me: Spend it with me and Dylan. My parents are RVing somewhere in Oregon so it’s just us.

Shit! Why did I suggest that?

Emily: I can’t do that.

Me: I know. My fingers typed before my brain could catch up.

Me: What about coffee?

The bubbles appear and disappear multiple times. I think she’s going to leave me on read when she responds.

Emily: You’re Dylan’s Dad and I’m his teacher. Even texting you like this is grounds for an investigation…or even repercussions.

Emily: The truth is that you’re the first guy I’ve set eyes on since my fiancé passed and I don’t take that lightly.

Emily: If you were anyone else, I don’t think I’d be as cautious.

Me: If you need a friend, I can be one. But Emily, you won’t be Dylan’s teacher forever. And I’m not going anywhere.

Dylan running back down the stairs has me putting my phone away. He picks a Transformer movie and has his eyes glued to the screen the entire time. I find myself watching Dyl more than the movie. But that’s my right as a parent. I always wonder how this tiny human, that barely reaches my hip, can take up so much space in my heart.

It has me wondering when I can open my heart for someone else. I understand Emily’s resistance to crossing that solid parent-teacher line. And I would never jeopardize her career. But something about her has me wanting to know more.

Emily

The plane jostles as it touches down. I made the last-minute decision to head back home to Philly for Thanksgiving. I’m not sure if I’ll come to regret this decision.

I only brought a carry-on so I make my way to the car rental line. My decision is rooted in not wanting to rely on my parents, or a car service for getting places. With the rental car keys in hand, I find the coupe in the lot and leave the airport.

I’m not sure if it’s an invisible string that’s pulling me there, but I find myself at the cemetery. My hands are sweaty and my heart rate increases. It’s as if my mind is unconsciously dragging me back to that tearful goodbye. Turning off the car, I take the keys and walk the path to where James is resting.

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