Page 23 of Make It Without You

James breaks the silence by asking, “Have you talked to Kamryn or Liam lately?”

“Not recently. Why do you ask?” Kamryn texted me a couple of weeks ago and told me about a guy she’s been seeing. He’s the quarterback at the university she and Liam go to. While I thought them going to college together would spur Liam to confessing how he felt about her, has instead turned the opposite.

James’s shrug is a little sad. I know he misses his best friends. But it was his choice to stay close to home for college. “I was just curious. So what have you decided on for college?”

With it being my senior year, I had big options of where to go to school. I could go back to New York, but that place doesn’t feel like home anymore. Since my parents are there six and a half out of the seven days a week, I don’t want to be anywhere close to them. But I didn’t tell James I applied to PhilU. He told me that he could transfer anywhere that I got into.

Is it a mistake to go to college with your boyfriend? Maybe. But is it a mistake if I choose to stay close to the place that makes me feel at home? No.

“I have,” I leave him with that and try to hold in my laughter at his wanting more expression.

“Baby, don’t leave me hanging.” His bottom lip juts out as he silently begs me to tell him where I’ve decided to go to college.

Finishing off my ice cream, I stack our empty bowls together and scoot closer to James. “How do four years, well three for you, at the same school sound?”

“Really? You got into PhilU?” His excitement is palpable.

“Yeah. Are you happy?” I know the answer but I have to ask him.

“The happiest, baby.” He leans forward and our lips collide. We keep it PG for the public. “When did you get your letter?” James asks when he pulls away.

“Yesterday when I got home from school.” Gloria was home to congratulate me and make me a celebratory dinner. It was a bittersweet moment that my parents weren’t there to congratulate me.

James’s face turns morose as he knows the only person I celebrated with was Gloria. He had a big final and I didn’t want to disturb him. “I would’ve come over to help celebrate.”

“You had your big test and I don’t want you to feel bad. This reaction was what I wanted from you.”

He drapes his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. “So we’re both gonna be Grizzlies. These next few years are going to be the best of our lives.”

I gaze at him with so much love in my eyes, that I don’t think words can adequately express how much I love him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I push his hair off his forehead. “Do you promise?”

“I promise I’ll love you forever.”

I mouth the word,wow, “Forever’s a long time you know?”

“I’m okay with forever as long as you are.”

2011

“Another year has come and gone. Congratulations to the class of 2011.” Caps fly up and cheers are contagious.

I beeline my way through my former classmates. Waving back to those who wave at me. Once outside, I find James standing with Gloria. I run into his arms when he sees me coming.

“No more high school,” James claims. He sets me on my feet.

The happiness I feel is short-lived as I turn to Gloria and sink into her hug. My body shakes with silent sobs. “I know, sweetie.”

January 2011

My parents flew in from New York unexpectedly. They were waiting in the kitchen when I got home from school. It felt like deja vu when I walked in there and saw Gloria was busying herself at the stove. But I knew it was for my benefit, more than for what she was cooking.

“What’s going on?” I asked without a proper greeting.

My parents looked at each other before my mom swung her gaze to me. “Your father and I have to go out of town.”

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