Page 20 of Make It Without You

“Do you know I’m preparing for a showcase?” I refuse to wait for them to tell me some lame ass excuse as I see the look of surprise on their faces. I clench my teeth as I slowly nod my head. “That’s what I thought. Or that I’ve been dating someone for two years?” Their brows furrow in confusion. My lips tremble as I fight to hold back my tears. But my emotions that have reached their peak win out and the tears fall anyway.

“Do you know anything about my life anymore? About what it’s like to grow up without parental guidance? To know that your parents would rather be at work than with their daughter. And meeting her boyfriend and getting to know her friends. I don’t want some lame-ass excuse of you being able to provide forme. Because I’d rather be poor and spend time together than be privileged and you two be non-existent characters in my life. I want you two in my life as main characters and not some crappy side characters that show up when bad news arrives. I want you two to be introduced to my boyfriend and his family, who have been nothing but welcoming to me in the wake of your absence. I want to tell my friends that my parents want to have a cookout with their families, but I can’t do that. Do you know what that’s like? To not have any of that because you two choose to not exist in my world?”

Gloria passes me a box of tissues as all of my frustrations at the lack of acknowledgment from my parents come out for the first time. I turn and give her a small smile of thanks. She rubs a soothing hand up and down my back while the emotions continue to run through me.

“So you two love your jobs. That’s great. But I want parents who come to my school concerts, are there with me as I cheer my boyfriend on at his games all the while chatting with his parents, and I want to walk into this house to laughter, not the silence that’s greeted me for the past two years. You two have no idea what it’s been like for me. So no. I won’t stand here and listen to whatever bullshit reason about your workload shifting that you decide to grace me with.”

The tears come in full force and I can’t stay here any longer. My parents muttered protests are ignored as I turn to face Gloria, silently communicating that I’m going over to James’s house. Her subtle nod is all I need and without saying goodbye to my parents, as they’ve spared me the same, I walk back outside and run over to James’s house.

James

I’ve barely finished wrapping up Emily’s surprise when I hear footsteps quickly coming up the stairs. I’m walking to my door when it flies open and a tearful Emily bursts through. She’s in my arms in an instant.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I cradle her head to my chest and rub soothing circles over her back. Aside from Emily getting her period and crying over the littlest things, I’ve never seen her cry like this.

She takes deep stuttering breaths. “My parents being home when I got back is what’s wrong.”

“What? What did they do?” Shock and disbelief coat my words. Em and I have been together for two years. In all that time I still haven’t met her parents and I’ve had dinner with her and Gloria at least once a week since we’ve been dating. When she mentioned they were home when she got back from rehearsal it took everything in me to not push her to let me come over.

“They wanted to talk. I didn’t let them. I berated them for thinking they could just come back here and want to talk when that’s all I’ve wanted for the past two years. I was so mad. And hurt.” Her voice is watery and muffled as she speaks into mychest. Hearing the pain in her voice, well I can’t imagine how she feels.

“I’m proud of you for standing up to them. I know it wasn’t easy. And I know you love your parents. But it was about time they knew how you felt.”

Emily has always spoken highly of her parents. Personally, if my parents abandoned me at a crucial time in my life, like high school, I wouldn’t be so forgiving. Em’s heart is bigger than mine. It’s what makes it so easy to love her.

I lift her in my arms and carry her to my bed. Laying her down, I slide onto the bed next to her and tuck her into my side. My shirt soaks instantly with the tears that are still falling.

“Your tears are breaking my heart, baby.” I say, kissing the top of her head and tucking her back into me.

“I just want them to be present. I want to laugh with them and do normal family things.” Her voice goes quiet as she speaks on the years of hurt her parents unintentionally put her through. “My parents were always good to me. But the further we got from New York, the more they put their work first. I want to matter to them.”

It wasn’t until last year that I finally got Emily to tell me how she felt about her parents working so much. She said that her parents not coming around became her new normal and she wouldn’t know how to act around them.

“Do your parents know where you’re at?” I mumble into her hair.

Her head moves on what I assume is her shaking her head, “No, but Gloria does. I don’t think she’ll tell them where I ran off to.”

As much as I hope Gloria doesn’t tell Emily’s parents where she’s at, at the end of the day Gloria works for her parents. But I don’t voice it because Emily doesn’t need that.

We stay like this on my bed. The surprise I had for her is forgotten as we both drift off to sleep.

What felt like five minutes has somehow turned into an hour when a door closing jolts me awake. I look down and Emily is passed out. With her rehearsal this morning and her parents coming home, I know she’s exhausted. Carefully, I extract myself from her hold. Kissing the top of her head, I pull a blanket up over her and head downstairs to see what the noise was.

Turning the corner I halt to a stop when I see my parents and two people I’m assuming are Emily’s parents at the kitchen table. My nap is still lingering in my head, so it takes considerable effort to stay put and not cower off back to my room to my girl.

“Honey,” my mom’s throat clearing brings my attention to her. “These are Emily’s parents, Mark and Christie. Come sit.”

I eye the vacant chair and wonder how fast I can run back upstairs. But I stay put. Because running away from the people who gave birth to the light that Emily is would be the coward's way out. So with herculean effort, I go and sit in the chair next to my mom.

Surveying the people in front of me, I see a mix of Emily in both of them. She gets her delicate nose from her Mom and eyes from her Dad.

Do I speak first? Or do I have the adults be adults and speak first?

I’m about to open my mouth when I’m beat to the punch.

“For years my daughter struggled to make friends. She’s shy and a cautious person. Moving here, I worried about her. And I wish I could say I noticed the change in her. But it makes me a terrible mother to say that while I’ve been focused on my career I’ve forgotten about my daughter,” her Mom takes a sip of her water before looking me in the eye. “When Emily said she had friends and was dating someone for the past two years, I refusedto believe that I–we–could have missed so much of her life.” She stops talking as if she’s lost for words.

Leaning forward, I place my arms on the table. “It took Emily about a week to warm up to the idea of having me as a friend. I’m also a generally shy person, but something about her made me want to protect and comfort her. The first time we hung out I asked about you two. She shut me down. And told me that she was fine being alone in the expansive house that you two bought to give her a normal life.” I look over at my parents and I feel the warmth. “I’m not sure what her version of normal was before moving here. But what I can tell you is that my normal and her normal are nothing alike.”

---