Page 21 of Make It Without You

Her Dad leans forward and if I were weak, I would be intimidated by him. But I’m not, so I let him speak. “Young man, I’m not sure who you’re talking to. But we love our daughter.”

“I have no doubt that you two love your daughter. But is it more out of familial obligation or because you truly love Emily as an extension of you and would move heaven and earth to see her happy?” Her Mom’s eyes turn down and her Dad bristles. “Do you know your daughter? Do you know that her favorite ice cream flavor is Oreo and that she lovesThe Fast & Furiousmovies? Did you know that she started preparing for a winter showcase and will perform it next year? She wants to be a teacher but if she gets the chance to play violin professionally, she would choose to do that.” With every word I speak, their faces continue to fall.

“You know all Emily dreams about is normal. She’s never outright told me that. But I see her face when my parents mention us doing a family activity together. Having parents who are around for more than ten minutes each week is all she wants. She wants the family dinners during the week and the laughter greeting her when she gets home from school. I want her to blow off our plans because you two decided at the last minute towhisk her off on a family vacation. I truly wish for the day when she blows me off because she’s spending time with you two. Every day, whether intentionally or not, you two have taken this beautiful, magnetic, hilarious young lady and made her want the opposite of what you’ve unknowingly given her.”

“James,” my dad warns.

But he doesn’t need to as I’ve said more than I needed to. I shake my head and get up, but before I retreat, I leave them with one thing. “I love your daughter,” I declare. “I am in love with your daughter. I love seeing the smile that’s so wide it takes up the entirety of her face. I love hearing her laugh…her full-on belly laugh, as I think it’s my personal cure when I’m having an off day. But what I love most about your daughter is how she dreams and lives her life with no care for how you two may react.”

Walking out of the kitchen, I jog up the stairs but stop short when I turn the corner and catch Emily sitting on the top step. Her smile is shaky and her eyes have filled with fresh tears. I walk up the few steps and sit next to her, taking her hand in mine and weaving our fingers together.

“Thank you.” Emily tells me before kissing my cheek.

Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I kiss the top of her head. “For you? Anytime.”

We sit at the top of the stairs and listen to the murmuring that comes from the kitchen, followed by the scrapping of chairs. Em and I hold our breath as her parents walk out of the house.

After a breath, Emily turns to me and places her chin on my shoulder. “So you must really love me?”

I hang my head as a huff of laughter comes out. “So much if I haven’t said it enough before.”

“You have. You’ve given me a love that I never knew existed. And I thank every cosmic star that you introduced yourself to meat the bus stop. I love you, James Michael Hayes. And I always will.”

“Congratulationsto the Class of 2010. You did it!” Our principal gives the final remarks for graduation.

It blows my mind that I’m done with high school. Sure college starts in a couple of months, but I’ll be living at home and working part-time to save up for an apartment. Hopefully with Emily if all goes according to plan.

I space out thinking about the future when I see caps flying up around me. I take mine off and do a half-toss before I tuck it under my arm and file out with the crowd.

It takes more time than I had hoped to wade through the clusters of graduates to reach the outside where my family and Emily are waiting. I see my younger brothers hitting each other with balloons and my parents laughing with Em. The love I have for her may still be young, but I know she’s it for me.

Emily

2010

“Our next performer is Emily Bailey. PerformingMozart’s Concerto No. 5 in A major.”

Smoothing out the invisible wrinkles from my black performance dress, I take another deep breath and flex my fingers before taking the first step back onto the stage. I’ve already performed in a quartet. But now the spotlight and attention will be solely on me as the final performer of the night. Amelia manages to capture my focus from across the stage and reminds me to remember to breathe.

Turning, I face the crowd and curtsey. Once upright I place my violin between my shoulder and jawline, place my bow in the upward direction, and begin my piece.

The song comes to me like it’s my second language. I don’t pay any mind to who’s in the crowd, who’s not in the crowd, or who’s paying attention. I let my muscle memory lead me through the thirty-minute piece of music. My fingers float over the strings, my wrist inciting vibrato, and my bow hand keeping up with every stroke along the strings.

My eyes are closed as my body sways to the music this instrument is creating. I sense I’ve made it to the finale of the song and hold my breath until the very last note fades out intothe crowd. Only when I lift my bow off of its resting position does my focus come back to the crowd that’s on their feet and cheering.

My face flames with the attention of over a hundred people. I take my curtsey as the pressure from this performance has passed and my smile from finishing this piece cannot be stopped. With a final bow, I make my way off the stage to take the long-awaited cleansing breath that had me locked up from the time I stepped onto the stage to now. And when I’m finally behind the red curtain without a hundred sets of eyes on my every move, does my body relax for the first time all day.

“Emily, that was beautiful,” Amelia praises and pulls me into her embrace.

Returning her embrace I tell her, “I couldn’t have done it without your coaching and mentoring. Thank you, Amelia.”

“It’s been an honor to teach you these past couple of years.” With a kiss to the top of my head, Amelia breezes out of the backstage.

Packing up in record time, I meet James in the lobby.

My heart kicks up when I see him there with flowers and that boyish smile I love so much. “Baby, you played so incredible. These are from me and Gloria.”

“Thank you.” Taking the flowers from him, I lean up on my toes to kiss him on the cheek.

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