Page 48 of The Night We Met

“Fashion. I realize that it’s not the most lucrative, but it’s what I want.”

Sarah’s eyes get big and a gasp escapes her. “I’m glad to hear that. Let’s go unpack and then go get food.”

“Sounds good.”

Changing my major was kind of a pain. My advisor wasn’t too happy with me and tried to convince me that in my Junior year it may set me back. After some back and forth we compromised and she insisted that since I finished up all of my main psychology courses as if I were just minoring in it, she said that it was passable.

I’m in my third month as a fashion major. And I love it! I made my first piece the other day and my professor was blown away. “I’ve never seen such talent like yours, Ms. Rawlins.”

The one thing I am grateful for is that since I’ve been so busy, I’ve had less time to think about Mason and Liam. One of them hurt me and I hurt the other. So I took that hurt and started focusing on myself and the pain that is still present, and put it right back into my work.

But that pain I experienced losing two of the men closest to me, made me vow to never give myself away like that anytime soon.

With the work I’ve put into my actual work, the department has given me leeway to skip to the upper level classes. Putting me right on track to graduate. But that doesn’t mean the work for me ends or is any easier. No, that just means Ihave to prove to the department, my professors, the other students, and myself that I belong in this spot.

I always hated being labeled a nepo baby. I didn’t ask for my parents to be who they were. I was blessed with them. That goes the same with fashion. Truly, I didn’t ask to skip ahead. But I refuse to cower to those who think I got here by bribes or by special treatment.

When Rush Week and then Bid Day rolled around, I wasn’t as into it as I should have been. I have my little ‘squish fam’ that keeps getting bigger and I should be more open to them. I put on my happy face and welcomed a new member to my little family.

I’m walking from the art building to the house when I spot Liam. Right in the direct path of my way back. I can’t turn around now. That’ll make me look like I’m avoiding him…but I am avoiding him. UGH!! Might as well face him now. Or try to walk past him without him noticing me, yeah like that’ll happen.

I’m halfway past him when he calls my name and stops me in my tracks. I turn around slowly and plaster a fake smile on my face, “Hey, Liam.”

“I haven’t seen you around lately. How are you?”

“I’m good. Just really busy. I changed my major, so now I’m basically playing catch-up.” I say by way of holding up my portfolio case.

His eyebrows raise. “Oh wow.”

“Yeah. So how have you been?”

My conversations with Liam have never been this awkward. We’ve never had to make small talk to talk about things. Our conversations used to just come naturally. I’mrealizing that with everything that went down, I don’t see how either of us can get back to that.

“I’ve been good. Baseball is going well so far even though it’s fall ball. I haven’t seen you around in a while.”

Oh crap! This is why I’ve been avoiding him. I look down before responding. “Yeah. Like I said, I've just been really busy. Speaking of, I should probably go. I have a ton of work to do for class.” I turn to leave but his hand on my elbow stops me.

“Kamryn, did I mess this up? Did I ruin us?” He asks in a hushed voice.

“Not at all,” I say as my shoulders sag in sadness. The tears I thought had officially run out, make their reappearance.

Stepping close and still keeping his voice low to avoid any listening ears, he asks me. “You could’ve fooled me. Kamryn, you could’ve stopped us. Why didn’t you stop us?”

Oh god. He’s gonna hate me. “Because I was hurting. And you were there! God Liam, you have been my best friend since I was seven. I gave into what I was feeling at that time and...somehow, I think I knew you felt more. And I’m so sorry.” One blink and the tears will fall.

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?”

I shake my head vehemently. ‘That’s not-”

He looks away and puts up a wall cutting off my response. “I think maybe we should cool it on our friendship for a while. Keep it the way it is right now. I won’t seek you out and I won’t text you. You can keep avoiding me and now I’ll start avoiding you.”

If I didn’t think my heart could break twice in one year, then I was wrong. I can’t hold back my tears anymore while looking Liam straight in the eyes. “I think that’s for the best too.” I turn around and walk away as a sob overtakes me.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. So far everyone that I’ve loved has left. How much breakage can my heart take? Have I pushed them away? Is it me that makes people not want to stay?

December 2012

Winter break could not have come at a better time. I need my spin classes and Pilates back in my life. And maybe even some family time.

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