Page 77 of Tight End

Me: Humble too.

My email dings with a few new emails. Kins and Poppy are both in for lunch, and even better, I’m being summoned into my mom’s office. I’m actually a little surprised she waited a few hours instead of jumping me when I got in this morning.

I close out my email, and after taking a steadying deepbreath, push up from my chair and head to her office. Or as my dad would say, Satan’s lair.

She’s finishing up a call when I let myself into her space, and as she holds up a finger, much like I did to Michael, I take a seat in front of her desk.

Time ticks by and the trepidation sinks in. Do I quit now? Do I wait until the end of the day? Do I stew over it for another couple of weeks? Months? While I don’t like this job, or this place, or law, I do like the security it’s afforded me. It’s a guaranteed paycheck every two weeks—enough to cover rent, food, and Oliver’s day care.

I also don’t want my mom to think I’m not grateful she gave me a job when I needed money, because I am. It’s just not my future. It’s not my passion. Not like it is hers.

Taking risks, even calculated ones, has never been who I am. I’ve always been safe and sound in my little box. Until Ryan. I took a chance on him the night I found my fiancé cheating on me. If it weren’t for him, I’d never have Oliver. And if I didn’t have Oliver, I’m not sure I’d have found my true calling.

If it weren’t for Ryan, I’d have gone to law school like my mom planned, and I’d be here as a junior partner and not a secretary. This would be my life. And I’d hate it.

He took a chance on me the other night. He opened up to me and told me his secret. I still can’t believe he was married, that he’s been harboring such pain, and my heart goes out to him. I wish I could help, but at the same time, I’d never want to take that experience from him.

I wonder what she was like. If she would approve of me, if she’d want Ryan to move on and find happiness.

And I wonder if he could ever love me like he did her.

I don’t know ... but I owe it to him and any future wecould have together to take risks. To be the person he deserves.

If I don’t climb outside the box I’ve lived in, I don’t stand a chance at getting the life I truly want for myself and my family, because regardless of what happens, that’s what we are. Ryan, Oliver, and me—we’re it for each other. Four years ago, Ryan and I weren’t ready for each other. The timing wasn’t right. But maybe now it could be.

And now he’s behind me along with most of my family. He’s doing his darndest to make sure all my dreams come true. The only roadblock that remains is ... me.

If I don’t take the leap on my studio, I’d have only myself to blame if it fails.

“Here is an agreement for you to look over. Sorry, it took me a few days to get it done, but I wanted to make sure your parameters were met.” My mom interrupts my thoughts, handing me a stack of papers. “Regardless of what may or may not be happening between you and Ryan, I’d feel better if we had a custody agreement in place.”

Regardless of what’s happening? Does she know something is going on? I know it’s nothing Poppy or Dad would mention to her, and I sure as hell didn’t leave her a little Post-it Note telling her Ryan and I were together. Maybe she’s just being her general lawyer self and being ambiguous. “Thanks for doing this. I’ll look over everything today.”

I give her a strained smile and she nods, holding my gaze for what feels like hours before it narrows. “Do you know what you’re doing, June?”

My spine straightens and my body becomes rigid. “What do you mean? With custody?”

“Don’t play cute with me. With this Neanderthal footballplayer. I heard a couple of the girls talking in the break room. They were practically smitten with his barbaric behavior.”

Okay, maybe she does know more than I thought. “His name is Ryan, and you haven’t even met him yet. Maybe you can hold off on judgment until then.”

Her mouth flattens into a straight line, and I think it’s safe to say she doesn’t agree. “I don’t need to know him to know his type. These guys are all philanderers with more money than sense. Let’s not forget I just helped one of them get divorced, and it wasn’t pretty. They have a type of fame and notoriety that breeds ignorance, and women will flock to them like flies on shit. You’re better than that. You deserve better than him.”

I bristle, anger flaring in my chest.

How dare she! The only one ignorant in this situation is her, and with the attitude she wears like a scarf, it’s never going to change.

Sure, there was a period of time when Ryan was a playboy, when he wasn’t selective about whom he went home with, but that stemmed from a place of hurt. From the death of a loved one. He couldn’t heal, he couldn’t move on, he distracted himself. While I’ve never experienced something like that, I understand.

And his notoriety is a gift. With his increase in popularity—heck, with mine—we can make a difference. He’s done nothing but show off how happy he is being a father, showing Nashville and maybe the world there’s more to him and his friends than being ignorant football players.

His friends haven’t shown me that they’re only into partying and women either. They’re nice, smart, and, you know, they’ve been more supportive of me than she has.

“You’re wrong, Mother, and maybe if you got off yourhigh moral horse for five minutes, you could see what’s right in front of you. Ryan is good to me. Good for me.”

Her eyes widen slightly, and that’s the only indication I get that she’s actually heard me. “I’m just concerned for you and your future if this is the kind of company you intend to keep.”

That’s it. I can’t do this. I can’t keep letting her run my life. It’s time I think about what’s best for me, not falling into what she thinks is best.

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