‘And have you communicated this plan to your fellow Sol?’ He knew me too well.
‘I just did, before I came here.’
He rolled his eyes, not surprised I left it to the last minute. ‘And?’
‘And they had no feedback apart from annoyance at the fact that I withheld this information from them without collaborating.’
‘What was your reasoning for only telling them now?’
I loved that V knew me. He knew there was a reason behind my actions. ‘The same reason Eliasson only gave me two weeks. I didn’t want to give anyone time to be resourceful, not even my own Sol. I want to have full control over how this plays out.’
‘You’ve had a premonition,’ Varqel stated, realisation lighting up his face.
I pursed my lips. ‘Not sure I would call it a premonition. More an extension of the knowing?’
Varqel waited patiently while I collected my thoughts.
‘I can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen and I won’t be able to stop it. Something feels wrong. It’s driving menuts that I can’t put my finger on it,’ I shook my head. ‘Maybe I’m overthinking it. You know I tend to do that when I’m overwhelmed or stressed. I’m following my training, putting in place contingencies. I’m doing everything right. But I just can’t help feeling I’m not doing enough or I have missed something. Does any of that make sense? Am I going crazy?’
‘You’re not going crazy, Little One. I understand what you’re saying, more than you know.’ Varqel smiled softly.
‘You do?’ I asked, hopeful.
‘I do.’
‘Well, at least that’s something,’ I let out on a breath.
He leant forward, elbows on the table and hands clasped in a fist under his chin. ‘What’s the plan?’
‘Well, I refuse to accept the hand that has been dealt to me. I plan to beat Slaviya at her own game. If she is not going to divulge her intentions, why would I simply go along with her orders blindly? Ultimately, I want my choices to be my own.’
‘Good.’
‘Good?’
‘Yes, I raised you better than to be someone else’s pawn, Valare. I was simply waiting for you to decide you didn’t want that, either.’ Varqel’s voice was filled with sincerity; his face radiated with fatherly pride.
I turned my head, distracting myself with the ocean view, not wanting him to see the tears welling up in my eyes at his emotions.
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, Varqel’s voice interrupted the silence. ‘So,’ he said conversationally.
I turned my head back to face his with a questioning look.
‘What do you need from me?’
I jumped at his invitation to divulge all my thoughts on the matter, going into far greater detail than I did with my Sol members.Varqel sat back and listened calmly. As head trainer and the Solista army’s general, he took every piece of information I gave him with serious thought and consideration.
After I finished, he simply nodded, acknowledging my rationale.
‘So, what do you think?’ I gnawed at my lip, self-doubt kicking in.
‘I think you’re right.’
I felt the tension in my body leave immediately. I had not realised how much I needed his approval.
‘I trust you’re happy for me to discuss this with Lyzia?’ Varqel asked.
‘Of course,’ I rushed out. ‘I trust you two with my life.’