Page 20 of Totally Opposed

“I think that was super speed. How long have you been swimming for?”

“I was on an athletics scholarship at a private school in the UK before I got into Arizona State, so my whole life I’ve been inand out of the water. I used to play cricket, too. They say that’s how I learned to throw a fastball.”

“I didn’t know you didn’t always play baseball.”

“Yeah, compared to you lot, I’m a newbie, I guess. I went home for a few years after school but then moved to the US for work and the company had a team, so I joined.”

He’s standing in the water, waving his arms in and out and making the surface of the water swirl around my legs. I could just slide in. I can stand. He’s standing, and I am a little taller than him, so I would be able to stand. Before I lose my nerve, I push off the edge and slide down, the water wrapping around my body like a cocoon. My arms go up, and I suck in a breath, but when my feet touch the cool smooth tile floor, I grab the edge with one hand and let the other palm sit on the surface of the water and I let my lungs slowly deflate. Ryan doesn’t move.

“So how did you get into Banana Ball then?” I ask, hoping that talking will lessen the fear taking a grip on my nervous system right now.

“My ex wanted to apply and asked me if I would help with some promo audition tape thing. We recorded a bunch of dances and promos so he could show off his talents and the GM invited me instead of him to fly over.”

“Wow, that must have been a hard pill for him to swallow.”

“It was, which is why he’s now my ex.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago now, and I’m better off. Do you want to walk a little?”

I don’t want to let go of the edge. It’s silly, I know. I can stand in this depth, but the idea of it just being me and the water is terrifying.

“I’ll be here with you the whole time,” he says as if reading my mind, and when he holds out his hand, I do the unthinkableand take it, releasing my grip on the edge and taking a step toward him.

It shouldn’t feel different. The edge wasn’t doing anything to keep me up, but it does. The water surrounds us, and as he leads me towards the edge of the shallow end, I find my feet following along without protest. His hand grips mine tightly, resting on the surface of the water between us, and it’s actually amazing.

“It’s like gravity in here is different,” I say as my legs move through the water one slow step at a time.

“It feels good, though, right?”

“Yeah, it does.”

***

The next day, I’m shocked as shit to be back at the pool with Ryan. This time, instead of sliding into the water from the edge, he takes my hand and walks me down the ramp at the side.

“It should be less of a shock to your system to walk in like this,” he says as the depth of water rises over the hem of my shorts and tickles the sensitive skin of my stomach.

“It’s not as…bad,” I say, when the word I want to say is terrifying. It is, though. Still scary as fuck. My heart feels like it wants to explode out of my chest and my brain is screaming, “Danger. Get out of the water.”But I just squeeze his hand tighter and somehow follow him deeper in.

“Okay, this is far enough, I think,” he says, turning to face me. The water is up to our chest, and his free hand is swishing through the water at his side like he was doing yesterday. My free hand is under the water wedged at my side, my fingers gripping my thigh as a way to distract my brain from convincing me that this is a terrible idea and getting the hell out.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Have you ever…been afraid of something?”

He sort of nods, but the look on his face tells me he’s struggling to think of anything.

“I mean, I’m sure I have been. Everyone is afraid of something, but not like Duckie with airplanes or…this. What does it feel like?”

“Terror.”

“Shit, okay, we can, umm, we can get out.”

“No,” I say before he can move, and I hold his hand tighter. “I don’t want to. I mean. I do want to, but I don’t want to, want to. You know?”

He nods, but I am doing a terrible job of trying to explain, so how could he?

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