Page 21 of Mad Love

Of course, since the song made him stop crying, I’m hesitant to stop singing, so I go through the whole thing again and when I pause, he looks up likeyes,you,strange singing man,continue.

“I’m your dad,” I sing and his little fists jump out. “And you are wide awake, aren’t you?”

I turn and see Sadie on the couch. I can’t read her expression, but she’s stopped crying, so that seems positive. The bottle is next to her.

“Should I keep going?” I ask, tilting my head toward the bottle.

“It’s worth a try.” She holds the bottle out for me and when I put it near Caleb’s lips, he takes it.

Sadie and I both exhale in relief.

He drinks and drinks and when he gets fidgety, Sadie reminds me to burp him. He lets out a winner. I don’t think he’s burped once that I haven’t laughed. This baby shit isfunny. He finishes his bottle and within minutes, there’s an explosion in his pants.

I laugh again, but this one is tinged with more horror than humor. Theliteralbaby shit is not so funny.

“You’re doing such a good job, you may as well take it,” Sadie says, smirking.

“Oh,nowyou want me to be involved,” I joke.

She flinches.

“Too soon?”

She stares at me like she can’t figure me out, but the stink that’s coming out of this precious baby is not something that either one of us can ignore, so we both jump into action. She goes to grab the wipes and diapers, and I grab one of his littleblankets that we brought from their place and look around for a softer place to lay it.

“No hardwood floor for you, no sir,” I tell him, laying the blanket out on the area rug.

I get him unsnapped which is tricky with his kicking legs and my long sausage fingers. I swear, he’s so tiny.

“How much did he weigh when he was born?” I ask when she tosses the diaper next to me. She sits on the floor next to him, and he grips her finger.

“He was ten pounds, four ounces, and twenty-one inches long,” she says, smiling down at him.

“Wow. He’s so little. What did they say he weighed last night? Fourteen pounds, two ounces?”

She snorts. “Ten pounds isbigfor a newborn. Sasha was huge and miserable.” Her cheeks flush and she shakes her head like she wishes she could take it back.

I don’t want to say anything that will make her stop talking, so I’m quiet. But then I look down and see something brown running down Caleb’s leg.

“No,” I whisper.

Sadie looks down and sucks in a breath between her teeth.

“I’m going in,” I say out loud. Mostly to encourage myself.

I carefully undo the diaper and let’s just say, it is not pretty. There are crevices that I’ve never thought about and I try to thoroughly clean each one. It’s not easy, but I do it and I’m feeling pretty fucking proud of myself when warm liquid assaults my chin and nose and cheeks out of nowhere.

“Thefuck?” I sputter, frantically reaching for the wipes.

Sadie starts laughing and Caleb looks pleased with himself.

“Did he just pee on me?”

“They do that when you don’t cover them up,” she says, hiding her laugh behind her fist.

“How the hell do I cover him up when I’m dealing with the poo from the bowels of hell?”

She chokes as she laughs and Caleb coos, laughing too.

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