Page 31 of Bound to the Orc Guardian

“Hospital?”

“A place of healing,” she says. “I’d spent a lot of time in the hospital, but that visit felt different. I walked in while he was asleep, and he looked…” She trembles and swallows. “He looked like he was already gone, and I just wanted todosomething.” Her little fist thumps lightly against my chest. “To bring him back, to make him well, but I felt so helpless.”

It’s hard to imagine Selena having been through this. She’s so light and joyful. It only makes her sweet nature all the more amazing. It takes a strong person to come back from something like this. Goddess knows, I’ve never quite managed it.

I cover her balled up hand with my free one. “This is a feeling I know well. It’s one that haunts my every moment.”

“Tell me, please,” her sad voice asks. “Tell me what happened.”

My jaw clenches closed instinctively. I never speak of the incident, not with anyone, not even my best friend Wranth. But how can I refuse her soft plea?

For her, I will bare my soul, even if it makes her doubt my ability to protect her.

Heart thundering in my ears, I speak the words I haven’t been able to for two long decades.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Selena

My own hurt fades, washed away by the pain in Sturrm’s deep voice.

“I was but a teen, only turned sixteen. I’d just passed my warrior tests, my piercings still fresh and new.”

Piercings? The ones on his cock? Has to be—I certainly didn’t see any others that first day. I don’t ask to confirm, though, a part of me knowing if I derail him, he’ll never finish the story.

“Bruna passed her warrior tests, too. She was…” His hand tightens on my back. “She was my childhood sweetheart.”

Old pain fills his voice, makingmy heart ache for him.

“We left the village on a camping trip to celebrate and to have some alone time away from everyone. The first couple of days were perfect. We hunted, we ate, we loved and talked of our future together, how we would mate.”

A spurt of jealousy goes through me. Not for what they shared, but for the fact that I can hear in his voice how much he still loves her after all this time. No one’s ever loved me like that.

When he doesn’t continue, I say, “And then…?”

He exhales loudly, his voice rough. “On the third day, a war party of ogres found us. They rarely ventured so far into orc lands, usually only doing so if the goddess granted a sky gift the ogres wanted. Bruna and I didn’t know it, but the Moon Goddess had appeared on the first night of our trip with a gift of seeds for a new type of vegetable. We’d been in our tent, oblivious to the outside world, and missed the moon’s appearance.”

It still bothers him. I can tell he blames himself for that. “Did the goddess appear near you?”

“No.” His body moves as if he shakes his head. “She appeared several miles away, but the ogres cut across the land near our village to get to the spot.”

“So you couldn’t have known.” I press my hand to his chest, right over his heart.

Instead of acknowledging the truth of my words, he continues. “We were outnumbered five to two, and they were adults. We fought well, but…”

A hopelessness fills his voice with so much old anguish and guilt it breaksmy heart.

“Three of them surrounded me as the other two fought Bruna. She was brilliant and fierce and killed one, but the other got in a lucky blow.” He sucks in a ragged breath. “I’d already dispatched one of my opponents as well, but the other two blocked me from her. I can still see him, even now, standing over her, his battleaxe raised. I dream it. The axe seems to move so slowly, but no matter how hard I fight, it always falls before I can reach him.” A pained pause, then he whispers, “I lose her again and again, every night in my dreams.”

“Oh, Sturrm.” With a sob, I throw my arms around him, hugging him with everything I am, wanting to push away all the old hurt and sorrow. “You know it’s not your fault, right? Ogres arehuge.” That one who carried me down from the standing stone had been a foot taller and far larger than Sturrm’s adult size, let alone a smaller teenager. “You couldn’t have fought them.”

“You’re wrong.” His voice goes flat and emotionless. “I did fight them. I went mad with a berserker rage and slew them all. And if I could do that, why didn’t I do it when it mattered? Why didn’t I do it when it could have saved her?”

Carajo, this misplaced guilt is eating him alive, chewing up his life from the inside out. I long to heal him—needto heal him. But no matter how hard I strain, my magic remains quiet. It must work on physical injuries only. I guess it’s too much to hope for that I can be a medical healer and the ultimate psychiatrist all in one.

So instead I try a different tack. “What did everyone say when it happened? The adults of your village?” I’m ready to unleash a bitch all over them if any of them blamed him.

“That it wasn’t my fault. That it was amazing either of us survived.”

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