Page 57 of Chase Our Forever

LIV

A cool breezeruffles the pages of the book in my lap. Honey lets out a little snore at my feet as I rock back and forth on the porch swing. It’s chillier outside than I was expecting, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to just sit in the fresh air tonight. I needed a way to clear my head after the events of today with Dean, and coming out here has done just the trick. At least a little. Even as I try to get lost in the pages of my story, my mind still wanders to Dean.

No matter how many times I try to push away the memory of his lips on me, I can’t. It’s like I can still feel them against my own. Against the swell of my breast. My hip. On my inner thigh. And then…against my pussy.

Despite the cold, my cheeks warm as my mind drifts to places it shouldn’t. It was the first time a man has ever gone down on me like that, but I know it can’t be normal for it to feelthatgood. To feel so perfect. It’s like every time he pressed a kiss to my skin, he was branding the memory of him—of us—in my mind forever.

I’m remembering the crazed look in his eyes moments before he gave in and finally kissed me when the man himself opens the front door.

“Hi,” he says, his voice low as he waits in the open doorway. He stands there, as if he’s wanting permission to step out here and join me.

I adjust the thick blanket on my lap and scoot over to make room for him. “Hey,” I respond, giving him a soft smile.

My heart does a little leap in my chest when he pulls the door shut behind him and sits down next to me. The swing creaks under his weight. Almost instantly, he takes over being the one to push the swing back and forth.

“At this point, I should start checking out here to find you before ever looking in your room.”

I smile at his words as I shut the book in my lap. “It’s so peaceful out here. There’s no bugs, and it isn’t humid. I’d spend all night out here if I could.”

The smallest of frowns appears on his lips. “It’s too cold for that,” he mutters, his thick, gravelly voice sending shivers down my spine. I could listen to the deep tenor of his voice all day long. Even hearing him talk turns me on and gives me butterflies, something I fully recognize shouldn’t be the case, but it is anyway.

“Clara asleep?” I ask, changing the subject. From the moment his parents and Clara caught us in the laundry room, we’ve been nothing but professional with each other. It’s been friendly, at least, as we all spent time together into the evening. I was scared he would fully pull away like how he was with me when I first started, but he didn’t do that this afternoon. He just didn’t act like he’d had his face between my thighs earlier as we went about our day.

“Yeah, she fell asleep while I was reading her fifth book of the night.”

I let out a little laugh. Somehow, she’s talking us into reading more and more books to her before nap and bedtime. She’s incredibly hard to say no to, so her requesting Dean read hera fifth book could be partially my fault. “I’m sure she was tired after running around and chasing Honey.”

Dean leans forward and looks at the sleeping puppy at my feet. “Seems like it wore Honey Bear out, too.”

His use of her nickname makes me smile. I like that he’s using the one I came up with. “She’s not used to that much exercise. I think we managed to pick out the laziest puppy ever.”

“I still can’t believe you two talked me into her,” Dean mutters, shaking his head. He leans back on the swing, outstretching his arms so far that one of them goes behind my back.

“I still can’t believe you said yes.” I pull my feet up onto the swing with me and cross them. If Dean’s going to rock the swing for us, I might as well get comfortable.

I look up from adjusting my position to find Dean staring at me. He wears a blank expression, but not one of indifference. This one makes it seem that he’s thinking hard about something. I’d give anything to get in his head and figure out what.

Is he regretting kissing me? Regretting letting it progress the way that it did? With our proximity, is he thinking about finishing what we started as much as I am? Just having his smell surround me makes me want to close the distance between us and continue where we left off earlier.

The tightness in his shoulders loosens as he lets out a deep breath. “We should probably talk about earlier,” he offers. I wish I could get a read on his demeanor and tone. It doesn’t sound like there’s regret, but he does seem a little sad.

My smile wavers a little at his words. “Probably,” I respond softly. My stomach drops a little with nerves and anticipation.

“You don’t have any regrets about us kissing, right?” he asks, his voice tight and unsure. He scratches his chin as he watches me carefully. “Or regrets about the laundry room?” he adds, his voice a little quieter this time.

“I don’t. Do you?”

My muscles relax a little when he shakes his head. “Not at all. Part of me wishes I could. It’d be a lot easier to do the right thing if I did have regrets. But I don’t.” His voice gets husky as he swallows, his eyes dropping to my lips for a moment before returning to my eyes. “I’m glad I kissed you, sunshine.”

My heart leaps at the nickname. He called me his sunshine on a cloudy day, and it’s something I could never forget. I’d do anything to be a positive light for both him and Clara. His use of the nickname makes me feel like maybe I am. “I’m glad you kissed me, too, Dean.”

He reaches across the space between us and cups my cheek with his hand. His callused fingers run over the tender skin of my cheek. Just by the look in his eyes, I know what he’s going to say before he says it.

“But we can’t kiss again.” His voice is sad, and his words break at the end. It makes me sad for him. For us. For the situation we’re in. I understand why he’s saying it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“I know,” I respond, my voice barely above a whisper.

“You scare me,” he admits. Of all the things I thought he’d say back to me, it wasn’t that.

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