Page 56 of Chase Our Forever

I stand back up, awkwardly meeting the eyes of my parents, who both stare at me expectantly. My mom’s eyebrows are raised as she waits for an answer.

She’s absolutely onto us.

“I was helping your daddy with some laundry,” Liv explains, her voice more high-pitched than normal.

Dad lets out a nervous bark of a cough.

Mom nods her head with her lips tilted up in a smug smile. “Mm-hm,” she responds, not buying it for a second.

I run my hand over my mouth as I feel like a teenager again at almost being caught doing the deed by my parents. “We got wet from the rain leaving Sutten Mountain Treasures, so we decided to come back here and get some warm clothes,” I explain. I don’t know why I even waste my breath. It’s clear as day neither one of my parents believes me.

At least Clara does.

“Why don’t you wear rain boots like me?” She lifts a foot to show off her bright pink rain boots she insisted on having.

“Livvy and I just didn’t plan as well as you did, sweetie,” I tell her, playfully tickling the back of her neck. She howls and runs away from me. She runs right into Liv, throwing her body against hers and pulling her into a tight hug.

I love the way that even though it’s only been two weeks, Clara’s effortlessly accepted Liv into her life. It’s obvious shetrusts Liv and really loves her. A pang of guilt courses through me when I wonder if I jeopardized that by involving myself with Liv when I know I shouldn’t have.

“Maybe we’ll go play in the living room with Honey and wait for Daddy and Livvy to meet us in there?” Mom offers, a teasing tone to her voice.

I let my eyes roam to Liv for a moment, wondering if our appearance makes it obvious what we were just doing. Her cheeks are very pink, and her already large, beautiful blue eyes are wider than normal as she hugs an old T-shirt of mine to her body.

“Sounds great,” I tell my mom, continuing to look at Liv. My ears feel hot with embarrassment at what my parents and daughter just about walked into. What a sight they would’ve walked in on if Clara hadn’t announced their arrival so loudly.

They all leave and close the door behind them.

I blink as the vision of Liv on her knees in front of me floods my mind. Fuck. I was so close to feeling her lips wrap around me. Even the feeling of her fingers around me about did me in. I lick my lips at the memory, which does nothing to satiate the hunger I feel for her now because I can still taste her on my lips.

With a loud sigh, I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands to try and rid myself of the memories. My daughter was moments away from walking in on me doing some very unprofessional things with her nanny. The last thing I need to be doing is replaying those unprofessional things in my mind when I’m supposed to be getting my shit together enough to go spend time with my daughter.

Liv watches me carefully. She’s probably waiting for me to say something; I just don’t know exactly what to say.

I take a step closer to her. After what just happened, I feel the need to be close to her. To have some kind of contact. I choose tokeep it somewhat safe by reaching out and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“That was close,” I tell her, my thumb brushing over her cheekbone. “You okay?”

She nods, her eyes roaming my face. “Yeah.”

I allow myself to feel my skin against hers for a few moments longer before my hand drops to my side. I take a step back and let out a controlled breath. “We’ll, uh…talk more about this later?” I offer, not knowing where to begin about what’s transpired between us.

I want her. Still. I want to finish what we started and feel her wrap around me. But having Clara almost walk in on us was a wake-up call of sorts for me. Liv belongs here with us as Clara’s nanny. I’m confident in that. And I don’t know if having a physical relationship with her is a good idea. I can’t complicate things when it comes to her. Clara can’t lose her.

I can’t lose her.

My breath is a little shaky as I let out a sad sigh. “You can go upstairs and get changed into your actual clothing if you want. I can even bring up the bags from the truck.”

Liv nods. “I can get the bags later. I’ve got clothes in there I can wear for now.”

We stare at each other for a few moments. There’s so much I want to say, the biggest being that I don’t regret what happened between us at all. The only thing I regret is the fact that Clara almost caught us. I keep my words to myself because I don’t know what to say in this moment.

Allowing myself to give in to my attraction to her is a very dangerous, slippery slope. I can lie to myself and say it’s purely physical, but it isn’t. I’ve only known her for two weeks, and there’s something about her that’s just different.

I’ve let her in, and I know I’ll continue to let her in.

But I don’t know if I’m strong enough to let another person all the way in and risk losing them. So I keep all my thoughts to myself and instead begin to back away from her and head toward the living room without saying another word to her, even though I know she deserves so much more from me.

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