Page 31 of Chase Our Forever

I swallow, my emotions getting the better of me in the moment. My throat feels clogged with them threatening to spill out. I take a deep breath, not wanting to lose my composure in front of my half-asleep daughter. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

“I’m happy, Daddy. With you. And I think Livvy, too.”

I lean forward and press my lips to my daughter’s forehead. My shoulders shake a little as I let out a long sigh of relief. This is the first time Clara’s voiced excitement about spending the day with a nanny. It’s like I can finally take a deep breath after waiting ages for someone that both Clara and I are comfortable with.

“Night, honey,” I croak, the weight of being the only person responsible for how her life turns out weighing heavy on me.

So many of these decisions I thought I’d have Selena to help me with. If she were here, we wouldn’t need a nanny at all. She was thrilled at the thought of staying home and raising our children. With her gone, I’m terrified I’m making the wrong choices.

Clara dozes off as I brush the stray pieces of hair from her face. I look at her, picking out the features on her little face that remind me of Selena. Something suddenly overcomes me. I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s an overwhelming sense of peace. I can question many of my decisions as a single father and if I’m making the same ones Selena would’ve made if she were here.

But one decision I don’t have to question is hiring Liv.

I clutch my daughter tight, knowing that Selena would’ve loved Liv. For the first time in a long time, I feel like maybe I’m finally doing something right when it comes to our daughter.

19

LIV

Clara isbusy coloring a picture at the table when Dean walks into the kitchen, ready for work.

“It smells amazing in here,” he notes, setting his briefcase down on the island and stepping closer.

I smile as I focus on flipping the pancakes. “Clarainsistedon pancakes this morning.”

“With cimamim!” Clara calls from her spot, not even bothering to look up from what she’s coloring. The way she’s been saying cinnamon all morning has killed me. It’s adorable, and I hope she never grows out of it.

“With cinnamon,” I confirm.

The smell of Dean’s cologne—or maybe it’s his aftershave—overpowers the smell of the cinnamon pancakes as he stands right next to me, watching closely as I begin to place the pancakes that are done on a plate next to the stove.

“I’ve got a couple of meetings this morning,” Dean explains, reaching into the cabinet next to me. He pulls out a coffee thermos and places it on the counter. “I won’t always be able to check my phone if you need anything, but please, if anything happens or you have any questions, call my assistant, and she’ll alert me immediately.”

I try not to smile at the nervousness in his tone. It’s kind of cute, and I shouldn’t find my widowed boss cute whatsoever. His smell is more overpowering than I thought. It’s going to my head. The way his scent surrounds me, fogging my brain with thoughts of wanting to get even closer to smell him.

“We should be perfect. We’re going to have the best first day together, aren’t we, Clara?”

Clara pushes her dark hair out of her face as she looks up at both of us. She wears a wide smile as she meets my eyes. “Thebestday, Livvy.” Her eyes move to Dean. “Bye, Daddy.”

Dean pauses while pouring steaming hot coffee into his mug. He looks at his daughter with raised eyebrows. “Are you already ready to get rid of me?” There’s a hint of a teasing tone in his voice.

I’d smile, but I’m too caught up in how he looks this morning.

Maybe it’s the way that the ends of his hair are wet and he stands close enough to me that I can see the little droplets hitting the pressed white collar of his shirt.

“Do you want some?” Dean asks, his tone hesitant as he holds up the coffeepot.

I jump, realizing he mistook me staring at him for wanting some coffee. I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. I had a cup already.” I turn to the pancakes, wincing when I realize the two still on the pan are a little more brown than I intended.

Get it together, Liv.

I blame the fact that I can’t stop looking at Dean on my lack of sleep last night. Nerves for my first day alone with Clara got the better of me. I want to do a good job, and meeting Dean’s family and feeling like I fit in with a group of people for the first time in my life made me realize how good I already have it here in Sutten.

The fear of losing it had me spending all night with my brain spinning over all the different things Clara and I could do to havefun. I repeated Clara’s schedule to myself so many times that I could recite it in my sleep. All I wanted to do was be prepared for today, but apparently, my desire to feel confident going in made it so my exhaustion is making me daydream about my boss.

Myveryoff-limits boss.

The boss I’m still staring at as I watch his lips turn down in a frown. “Are you feeling okay this morning, Liv?” His voice is tight.

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