Page 62 of The Road to Finding Us

His green eyes flutter open, and god help me if it doesn’t feel like a hit to my heart when he gives me a cocky, sleepy smile. “Mornin’,” he says, his voice raspy.

“Good morning,” I whisper, scooting closer when he opens up his arms for me. I snuggle into his warmth, getting lost in his cozy embrace. I take a long breath in, reveling in his smell.

“Have a good night?” he asks into my hair.

I nod against his chest, remembering the last dare I gave him. The dare to fall in love with me. I don’t know why the words left my mouth when I knew it wasn’t possible. But…I can’t deny the small part of me that wants to live in a fantasy world where Aspen could fall in love with me. “It was okay,” I tease.

His hands travel down to the small of my waist, squeezing as he pulls away from me. I’m met with his sleepy eyes and devilish grin. “Just okay?”

“Well, not like I have anything to really compare it to, but yeah, it was okay.” I smile.

“I always told you I’d be better than Blaine,” he jokes, as his fingers drift underneath his T-shirt that I’m wearing, his fingertips warm against my skin.

“Hard to compare you to Blaine when he and I never slept together.”

Aspen’s head snaps back instantly. “You guys dated for like a year. You’re saying you never had sex?”

With a shrug, I decide to give him total honesty. “It never felt right. You were my first.”

This has Aspen out of the bed so fast you would think I just told him I was pregnant. He’s out from underneath me in an instant, standing in the corner of the room. “What the fuck are you talking about?” His eyes trace over the bed we had sex in last night.

The tender spot between my legs is throbbing this morning, but it was worth it. I always knew if I were given even one night with Aspen, I’d make it count.

“I’m talking about the fact that you took my virginity last night,” I say slowly, making sure he’s able to process every single one of my words.

It wasn’t like I’d been saving myself for marriage. It just never felt right with anyone before Aspen. My hookup sessions had mainly consisted of brief encounters that went to third base before both parties either fell asleep or lost the spark.

With Blaine, I think he was already too half-in-love with his childhood best friend to fully want me. And I didn’t want to feel like sex was a chore, or a requirement. So, I never let it escalate to that with Blaine.

Aspen runs his hands down his face, taking steps backward until he hits his bedroom window. “No, no, no,” he chants, never once looking at me. “I didn’t just take my best friend’s little sister’s virginity…”

“Okay, for starters, he’s like two minutes older than me. I’m hardly the little sister. And this doesn’t freaking involve Maverick—at all. It’s fine.”

His arms fold over his chest while his stare fixates on the rumpled sheets of his bed. “You should’ve told me it was your first time.”

I laugh. “I didn’t realize it was something I had to announce. Next time, I’ll wear a fucking sticker on my face that says virgin. Oh, wait, there won’t be a next time, because you changed that last night—and I don’t regret it. Please tell me, do you expect every other girl you fuck to tell you how many guys’ dicks have been inside them?”

Finally, his gaze finds mine. “Those girls aren’t you,” he says quietly.

I throw my head back, looking at the ceiling. “Oh, perfect.” I snort. “I mean so much less to you than other girls that only I have to fucking explain my sex life to you? You know what? Fuck you, Aspen.” After throwing the covers back, my feet hit the soft carpet as I search for my clothes. Not bothering to change shirts, I grab my leggings off the floor and slide them on.

“Lily, would you just stop one for damn second? Look at me.” His voice is raised, but I don’t dare to look at him.

I’m too embarrassed. The realization hits me like a brick wall that I’m just another one of his one-night stands. Just another girl that can brag about rolling in between the sheets with Aspen. The thought makes me want to throw up.

“Aspen, I think you’ve said enough,” I respond, sliding my shoes on. When I turn to face him again, I find him standing way closer to me than he had been a minute ago.

“Bullshit. I’ve said enough. Why didn’t you tell me it was your first time? Shit, Lily, that should be something special.”

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. I will not let Aspen see my tears. He cannot know how much his words are destroying me. To me it was special—because it was with him.

But obviously, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him.

No matter how hard I fight it, a few tears break free, falling slowly down my cheek.

“Oh, baby, don’t cry.” He takes a step closer to me, but I throw my hands between us before he can make it any closer.

“Don’t call me that.”

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