Page 61 of The Road to Finding Us

We stare at each other for a few short moments, our chests both heaving with deep breaths.

I see zero hesitation on her face, causing me to reach across the bed, dig into my nightstand, and sheath myself with a condom. Aligning myself in front of her, I look at her one more time. “We can stop this right now if you want, Lil.”

Lily squirms underneath me, causing friction between us. “Since when the hell are you such a gentleman? Put your dick inside me.”

“You asked for it.” I ease into her, hanging on by a thread to cage the lust I have for her.

Looking down, I find a pained look on her face. “Am I hurting you?” My stomach sinks.

I go to pull out, but both of her hands palm my ass. She holds me in place, her fingernails digging into my skin. Lily shakes her head, arching her back off the mattress and allowing me in deeper.

I pull in and out of her slowly, marveling at how tight she is. Almost too tight. I’ve never felt something like it. She moans underneath me, arching her back again after a few moments.

The two of us get lost in each other, our bodies finally joined together for the first time. It feels like we’ve had years of foreplay leading up to this exact moment, and the way she pants my name only sends me closer to the edge.

I’ve always been a fan of sex. I’ve never been one to hide that. But sex with Lily…that’s a whole new ball game.

Not only does she fit around me perfectly, but…the small caress of her hands on my lower back…the way she tells me exactly what she wants…she sets me on fire.

I’ve never mixed sex with feelings until now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back from it.

“I’m so close,” she says, her nails raking down my spine.

I grunt, kissing her neck, chasing my release myself.

“Truth or dare, Aspen?” Lily says, her legs trembling around me, the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.

I’m two seconds away from an orgasm when I answer her question with, “Dare.”

Both of us ride our releases, my body falling against hers afterward. Her fingernails dance over my scalp. I’m about to ask her what her dare is when she finally answers.

“Fall in love with me,” she whispers.

I’m too scared to give her an honest response, so I don’t—hammering the first nail into the coffin of a relationship I’m afraid will never really begin.

30

Lily

Past - Age Twenty-Two

He looks too perfect lying next to me. I’ve been staring at him for many minutes now, entranced with being able to freely look at him without having to pretend that my heart doesn’t belong to him.

I’m not sure when it happened, but sometime in the midst of hating him, I fell in love with him.

And I want as many seconds to admire him before we both begin our charade again. Because I know he won’t fall in love with me.

There are small moments when I think he might be falling for me. But those moments are fleeting, and perhaps wishful thinking on my part.

Aspen has always been honest about not wanting to find love. He chases lust, not love. And while I have no doubt that he’s fallen in lust with me, I don’t think I’ll be the one to capture his love.

A girl can dream, though.

Staring at the way his long eyelashes splatter across his cheeks, I admire how incredibly sexy he is. He’s all too aware of it, but it doesn’t make it any less true. My fingers twitch against the pillow, itching to trace the soft curve of his lips. Guys shouldn’t be described as pretty, but he is. Aspen could easily walk onto a set for modeling and they would bow at his feet, ready to capture his cocky attitude and beautiful features through the lens of a camera.

I want to capture him, too.

He stirs next to me. I rake my fingernails through his buzzed hair as his body stretches underneath the covers. I’m obsessed with the way the short hair scratches against my palm, the feeling similar to the way his dark stubble felt against my thighs.

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