Page 94 of The Step Don't

I wince. “What do you think is the reason?”

“Steve and Colin are a lot alike. Steve had a very obvious look when he fell for me, and though I might not pick up on everything, I was perceptive enough tosee it on Colin the last time you were both over.”

“You know?”

“I think it’s really beautiful, Ash.”

I cringe. “Don’t lie, Mom.”

“Lie?”

“Yeah, we were gonna tell you and Steve and Dad soon. We told Lacey first, and she was talking about all the things we needed to consider. The fact that it might not work out, and then what will we do? Colin and I were having so much fun, and we let ourselves get lost in each other. But he’s gonna go to law school. I’m gonna stay in school to be a professor. We’re both planning to go to school locally, but we’ve chosen high-demand careers, and it’s not always gonna be as easy as it is now. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Well, Lacey was right.”

I glare at her. “I said I don’t need a lecture.”

“You think it was wrong of her to bring up the practicalities you both need to consider?”

“Mom, you don’t understand. It scares me to think of a life without Colin. It terrifies me. And we had such an amazing relationship, and a part of me is like, why mess all that up when we could be amazing friends forever?”

She snickers.

“Wrong reaction, Mom.”

“I’m sorry. This is where we’re both very similar,Ash. So smart that we think everything can be boiled down to questions and answers. Life’s not that simple. Not knowing the answers can’t stop you from living.”

Finally, she’s starting to make some sense. “I’m listening…”

“I loved your father, and it didn’t work out, yes. That’s right. And I could have said,Well, it didn’t work out, and maybe no one else will either, but I didn’t. I got to know Steve and fell in love. And I know you think I’m just highly logical and that’s all there is to me, like I’m a robot, but I understand love. It might not last forever with Steve. I hope it will, but that’s all we have. Any of us.

“So maybe Colin goes to law school, and you become a professor, and it just can’t happen. Maybe something happens and you wind up never speaking to each other again. Maybe you both get bored of each other and break up that way. Maybe you meet someone else, or he meets someone else.”

“I really don’t love where this is going.”

She smiles. “Or…maybe itdoeswork out. Because that happens too. I am a logical woman, and all those thoughts run through my head, but I’ve seen high school sweethearts make it to their deathbed, and from what I know of you and Colin, if I’m putting money on anyone, it’s the two of you. And it’s okay to be scared or worried about what might happen because that lets you knowhow important he is to you; it’s the day when you stop being afraid of losing him that you need to worry.”

Tears stir in my eyes.

She notices and says, “Really? I thought that was good.”

“It was good, Mom. These are tears of relief.”

She sets her hand on my shoulder and rubs…awkwardly. “There we go,” she says. I glare at her, and she grins. “Come on. That’s a joke. I’m not really that bad. Am I?”

“Just give me a hug like a normal mother.”

She moves close and puts her arms around me, drawing me in.

“You don’t think it’s weird that I’m in love with my stepbrother?”

“Oh, Ashy…I don’t know that anyone other than Colin is worthy of you.”

I cling to her tighter.

Because it’s just what I needed to hear.

It’s what I know in my fucking heart.

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