Page 91 of The Step Don't

Ash

Iwake, expectingColin’s arms to be around me, but he’s not in bed with me.

He steps out of his bathroom, and when he looks to see if I’m awake, he grins, but I can tell it’s forced.

“Morning, my little perv.” He approaches and offers a kiss.

But like his words, something’s off. It doesn’t hit the way it did before our chat with Lacey.

Not that I can put this all on him; I’m off too. Our conversation with her really rattled us. She’s not wrong, and we both know it.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons we let it go on secretly for as long as we did. Kept each other to ourselves so that we wouldn’t have to consider the real world and consequences. We could enjoy a Wonderland of emotion and passion, excitement beyond anything I thought I’d ever experience.

I’m smarter than this—we both are.

We’ve seen firsthand how that bright spark that bursts into an inferno can be extinguished. And now that we’ve been forced to face that truth, we’re both shaken.

Colin’s kiss lingers, as it normally does, and when he pulls away, he still doesn’t take his eyes off me. It’s all so familiar, but I can feel the difference, and surely he must too.

“Good morning,” I say. “You heading out for class? Seems early.”

“Was gonna head to the library to study a bit before.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I can feed Frat Cat before I go.”

“I got it.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.”

Why is this normal thing weird today?

It’s not the only thing. And I figure there will be more.

“I was gonna meet up with Troy for dinner.” Colin hesitates before asking, “You wanna come?”

Now he’s hesitating to ask me if I want to hang with him and his friends? Who the fuck are we?

A knot twists in my gut.

To the average person, I’m sure this isn’t a horrible, nightmarish moment with their boyfriend, but for us, it feels wrong.

And it’s not only him telling me he has plans with friends. That’s not unusual. That’s healthy. It’s that in the days since our talk with Lacey, Colin’s been acting strange…

“I’ll get some homework done,” I say, “but I’ll be here when you get back.”

Now I’m doing it too. Before our talk with his mom, I would have said yes without thinking twice about it. But now we’re…different. I don’t like it.

We’re both trying to keep up like things are fine, but they’re not.

“See you later,” Colin says with a wink.

He starts to head out when I notice his hat in the sheets. “Oh, hey!” He whirls around as I toss it to him, catching it like always, though it doesn’t have that spark to it. Just like so many of our rituals, it’s been tainted.

“I love you,” I say, unable to disguise the fear in my tone.

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