Page 90 of The Step Don't

“We do, but it was rocky at first, and maybe that’s a risk you two are willing to take. I just don’t feel like I’d be doing either of you any favors by pretending this can’t blow up in our faces. You would be crushed if anything happened between the two of you.”

She’s right, I would be, but that’s not a reason for us not to be together, is it? But then I think of Dad and Lauren too. If Ash and I broke up, would it cause problems for them? What if it has a domino effect, and things between us pull Dad and Lauren apart too? I would never forgive myself for that.

Family holidays, get-togethers, the bond I have with Ash, the way we never lie to each other… What if this messes up everything?

When neither of us reply, Mom says, “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I know how exciting a new relationship can be. We have all those good feelings, and you’re filled with hope for the future, and I just think it’s really important that you consider the consequences.”

The air in the room is thick. I’m still not sure Ash is even breathing beside me. I let go of his hand, wrap an arm around him, and pull him close. I say a silent prayer that he comes easily. “We’re going to be fine. Ash and I are different.”

“And I hope so, but just think about it, okay? Both of you.”

We nod, but neither of us replies. The mood is heavy, my chest tight. I was so excited to share this with her, to tell everyone that Ash is mine, and now I don’t know what to think.

What if Dad and Lauren feel the same? What if this changes everything but not in a good way?

What if I lose my best friend?

My stepbrother?

My Ash?

I don’t know if I could be like Mom and Dad, don’t know if I could handle seeing Ash move on with someone else, not after finally having him.

“I think we’ll go,” I tell Mom. Maybe I should play this a different way, pretend none of it happened, but I can’t talk to her right now.

“I’m so sorry, boys. I feel awful. Maybe I should have kept my opinion to myself.”

“It’s fine. Me and Ash are fine. I love you.”

“Goodbye, Lacey,” Ash says to her, a smile on his face that I know isn’t real.

“I’ll talk to you both soon, okay?”

“Bye, Mom.” I end the session before she can say anything else.

Neither of us speaks for a moment. We don’t look at each other. It’s Ash who finally says, “I didn’t expect that.”

“Me neither.” I grab his hand and tughim to the bed with me. “Come’ere.”

Falling onto my back, Ash comes down on top of me, holding me close. “She’s right, Col. This could end badly. If somehow we had a bad breakup, what if our parents felt obligated to choose sides?”

“We won’t,” I reply, forcing the words from my tongue.

“I’m sure neither of our parents thought that either.”

Everything Ash is saying is true, even if I don’t want to believe it.

“I can’t lose what we have, Col…what we had before this.”

“We won’t,” I say, trying to make myself believe it.

“We can’t guarantee that.”

“We won’t,” I say again.

And now here I am, committing a huge Step Don’t…because I’m scared. I’m worried that what my mom said is true, and I don’t tell Ash.

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