Page 75 of When Hearts Surrender

Facing the ocean, I let the harsh winds flay me in my face to dry the moisture in my eyes.

I may be a failure, scars and all, a socially awkward idiot who panicked in front of crowds, an eldest son who wasn’t worthy of the Anderson name, but I still had my pride.

“I-I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

“Why? Why were you with me then, Sydney? Why did you give me hope?” I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “I-I thought you were different than the others.”

Thunder rumbled in the distance, followed by a streak of lightning snaking across the turbulent skies.

“You were so sweet to me. I was moved. I-I thought I could change you, bring you out of your shell. Maybe we could try different things, travel, meet new people, party it up. We’re so young,” she whispered.

“And then you could have your art exhibits at The Met and show off your talent to the world, and I could be your doting wife next to you. We’d be the power couple. You’d be the talent, and I’d be the socialite. No one could stop us. I thought…we’re so young and I could change you and make you be—”

“More likehim? Like Ryland? The charming, popular prince?”

“Maxwell,” she cried, “I love you both! It’s just, I—”

“Love him more, right? That’s what you’re going to say, isn’t it?”

Shaking my head, I turned my face toward the rain, which started to fall moments ago. I hated the fucking rain so much, but its appearance seemed very appropriate now.

“The sad thing is, Sydney, I would’ve understood if you were honest with me. I would’ve understood if you chose him.”

I heaved out another breath. “I-I would’ve stepped aside.”

Who wouldn’t love my charming, extroverted brother? My loyal, perfect, unblemished brother, whom I’d always be willing to give up mylife for, like that time with the boar attack. He was the perfect version of me.

“I love my brother more than anyone in the world, and I would’ve wanted him happy, even if that meant stepping aside and seeing you with him, as long as you love him.”

Slamming my hand on the railing, I screamed, “And now you’ve driven a wedge between us and I’m so fucking pissed at you!”

Because I gave her my feelings, emotions I had locked up tight because I was told I wasn’t allowed to have them as the eldest son—the cursed son.

It was all an illusion. A mirage.

But you can’t just make love disappear, can you? It’s out there now—the feeling, the I love yous, the vows, and I’m the one left suffering.

Curling my hands into tight fists, I whirled toward her. She backed away, fear clear in her eyes. Rain was pouring down in a violence I hadn’t seen before. I couldn’t do this now. I needed to tell the captain to head back to the dock.

“Sydney, I feelnothingfor you but regret.” And betrayed and heartbroken, but I didn’t tell her that. “Whatever you want to say, I don’t want to listen. It’s too late. God, I wish I had never met you.Go rot in hell.”

“Maxwell, please,” she cried after me as I stomped inside the cabin and ignored her, the storm raging outside only a fraction of the hurt and pain I was feeling inside.

Later on, I’d wish I could turn back time and undo everything.

I’d wish I could hear the splash of a person slipping off the deck that night, a person I loved with all my heart then, not knowing I was capable of feeling so much more. I’d wish the Coast Guard could’ve found her before she drowned in the icy depths of the Atlantic.

I’d wished I never married her or fell in love with her. Maybe that would’ve saved her.

And if she were still destined to die, I’d wish I could’ve told her I forgave her because, ultimately, I cared about her and would’ve wanted her happy.

But it was too late. Much too late.

My breathing is shallow, sweat rolling down my forehead as the car slows in front of the hospital.

It can’t be too late this time. It can’t be. Not again.

I may have married Belle already, but I can’t let her think I don’t care about her. I can’t let her feel how Sydney made me feel.

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