Page 142 of The Masks She Wore

?It was still raining, thunder booming around the woods like the clash of cymbals, lighting up the trees, the dark room. It was as if I stepped into a dramatic action movie scene when the house was just about to get broken into and I was the damsel wearing the flimsy white nightgown about to fight for her life.

?I hoped a burglar would break in. I’d show them I could kill them even in this state. Don’tfuckingtest me right now.

?With trembling hands, I tried to calm my heart as I found Azrael’s number. God, this was a mistake, wasn’t it? It absolutely was, but I didn’t know what else to do. Who else to talk to. Zo said he had gone through this too, so if I was going to get help, this was how I would do it.

?But holy Hell, I shouldn’t be doing this. Fuck, I shouldn’t be do—

?“Hello, little daffodil.”

?My brows instantly furrowed as I stepped up to the windows, watching the rain fall. “How did you know it was me?” I asked, my voice weaker than I wanted it to sound.

?“Oh, I had your number saved in my phone months ago. Everyone always comes crawling to me eventually. I’m where every road leads, no matter how cracked and destroyed. So, to what do I owe this secretive pleasure?”

?I frowned. Yeah, this was a mistake. “I’m not keeping this conversation from Jack.”

?“But he doesn’t know you called me,” he stated and clicked his tongue. “Words, Agent, words matter.”

?I rolled my eyes, my expression hardening. “I know that, I just…” I gripped the bridge of my nose for a few seconds before releasing a sigh and turning back to the window. “Zo said you were tortured. I need to know what happens after that, how you moved past it. I need advice. Please,” I added, my heart hammering. This was stupid, I should have just talked to Jack. He had been trained to withstand torture. We both had, probably by the same people, but I suppose he had never actually been tortured for nefarious reasons. Shit, I had no idea what to do. What was I supposed to do?

?“You never move past it, daffodil,” he answered, his voice shifting to something cold and inhuman. “You learn to live with it. You’re a big girl, big enough to consent to the Pg-13 ways of my dear older brother, you’re big enough to hear this. It doesn’t ever go away. The nightmares, the feeling of their hands on you when they rip into your flesh and rape your mind, it never goes away.”

?My soul dropped to my stomach, my hope quickly diminishing.

?“You’re going about this all wrong, daffodil, you shouldn’t be trying to move past it, you should embrace it. They fucked your mind,twisted your soul. Why are you trying to find peace when you can absorb that pain and hatred and use it against them?”

?God, his voice made my skin crawl. There was no emotion other than cold hatred. “That was not how I was raised.”

?“None of us wereraisedto be this way, you imbecilic. We all fell into our roles, it’s time you fell into yours. Rape their minds like they raped yours. Don’t live with it, become what they turned you into and use it to destroy them. It’s fun.”

?I stared at those blurred trees, lightning cracking across the sky. “I went through the same training you did,” I told him. “Why did you turn out so…”

?“Cold? Some of us are born with monstrous dispositions. Levels of which we hate and brood. We are what they turn us into,” he repeated. “I embraced it long ago, you should too. You’ve been trained since you were born. Maybe not like us but trained all the same. So, even in your short life, you have done more than any of us have, which means, daffodil, that you should be better than us. You should understand that the darkness in this world has roots of thorns and barbs and that it will never let go. Stop settling in your little house of self-pity anddo somethingabout it. Go fuck your pretty little boytoy, little daffodil,” he hummed, “or I might think you want another initial carved into that pretty little chest of yours.”

?Click.

?I lowered the phone, closing my eyes, shaking my head. I didn’t thinktalking to him would help in the slightest, yet here I was, disappointed.

?“You called Azrael?”

?My eyes lifted to the window, watching the trails of rain cut down the glass. I had assumed he would get up. Jack had a sixth sense about that kind of thing. “It’s not your fault,” I told him, turning to him.

?He stood several feet away in nothing but his black sweatpants, his hair a mess. Fuck, every time I saw him, a zing went through my body. The high I had been seeking all these months, the one I had missed from a life of traveling and fighting, he had brought it to me without trying. He had brought it to me without doing anything other than showing up.

?I wasn’t sure if that was sad or not.

?He watched me half cloaked in shadows, his eyes glowing. “I didn’t think it was.”

?My lips thinned. “Because of your arrogance?”

?A smile touched one corner of his lips. “Because my nine days was nothing compared to your four months. All of the wounds I gave you were shallow—”

?“I didn’t break,” I argued.

?Jack shook his head. “Never said you did.”

?But I couldn’t drop the defenses. “I’m fine,” I told him. “I’m strong enough to deal with this. My mind is good.” I could still fight. I could stilldo missions. I wasfine.

?Jack closed the distance between us. “I didn’t say it wasn’t, Princess.”

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